Looking for Mr. Right (Part Three) The Name Game in Online Dating

In the third part of "Looking for Mr. Right," we're going to look at online dating screen names. Our parents had a hard enough time coming up with a suitable name for us. When we have to select a new name for ourselves, we can appreciate their efforts. 

Women are discouraged from using their given names in the virtual dating world to add a layer of security. Many men are comfortable using a variation of their name, like JohnDoe63. It's up to the women to decipher what that means in his case. He may have been born in 1963, or graduated then, or he IS 63. Maybe it's just his favorite number. 

I will admit that most men are pretty clever in choosing a name for themselves. It's fun to figure out what they were hoping to convey with their choice. Some reflect their favorite pastime, with a reference to golf or sailing. Some references are totally lost on me, and may be on other women. (I had to ask my son about 22Rimfire. Apparently, he loves his .22 bullets for his rifle.) Others play the sympathy card, using words like lonely, or alone. Some proclaim their allegiance to a favorite sports team, or their vehicle. And some, well, there are some who just make us wonder.

Thinking up a good name is tricky; I get that. Perhaps some screen names were chosen as conversation starters. Spelling correctly the name you choose seems like a good idea, but not observed by everyone. Whether the misspelling is intentional, or just the tip of the iceberg of underlying issues with the English language remains to be seen. Perhaps a hint of desperation seemed like a good way to go at the time. 

Here are some of the more peculiar names I found while browsing the would-be suitors. I realize I could let you draw your own conclusions, but I can't help it; I'm a writer. Commentary will accompany most of these. 

My Top Ten “Winners”

Honesty may be the best policy, but there's a lot to be said for decorum.

1. SexyManWantsSexyWoman. That might be the truth, but it just might put off potential matches.

2. Liverspot? Ew. Just ew.

3. Offthegrid, judging from his profile and pictures, is a pretty serious doomsday prepper, and we would not get along at all. I love a house that is surrounded by the yard, not underneath it in a bunker.

Certain names carry a negative connotation.

4. MisterTan, judging from his moniker and wrinkled, leathery face, is probably going to be enlisting the help of his dermatologist pretty soon, and I would rather not be dragging him to all of his doctor appointments, if our meeting should end in matrimony.

5. BadHabit worries me immediately. There are so many possibilities as to what this really means; I don’t even want to know what his habit(s) is(are).

Abbreviated spellings just rub me the wrong way, and I realize that for many people, these are a non-issue. Indulge my criticism for just a moment more.

Urban, trendy spellings may be considered hip and cool for some, but they are a turnoff for me. Save those for your vanity plate on the back of your monster truck.

Here are a few examples of these types:

6. Luknfergurlz? He’s not looking for ONE? Why did he choose the plural form of “gurl?” It may just be my exposure to outlier groups here in Utah, but I worry he is hoping for a sister wife to help out with the breeding. 

7. RU4Me? Um, probably not.

8. Loves2Hunt. Let’s get one thing straight. This is not a Hunting Partner site. Maybe Sportmen’s Warehouse has a bulletin board, and an extra thumb tack for you to properly display your profile. And yes, I may be overreacting to my own experiences as a hunting widow. I'm working on that flaw in my character that prejudges the avid hunters in the mix.

9. nucklehead6969. No, that's not a typo; his name starts with a lowercase letter. As a teacher, I tend to give bonus points to the guys who capitalize their names. In case you missed nucklehead's favorite number, it's there a second time, for good measure. 

(When this first posted, my daughter called me to ask if I knew what 69 was. I played innocent for a moment, and then I told her, "Give your mom some credit!")

Misspellings always make me wonder if they were intentional, or just couldn't be helped. If you are friendly, what would it hurt to double check the spelling of your use of the word FREINDLY before tacking it on to your name, FreindlyFrank? I know we're not all spellers, but after your picture, the next thing we see is your name. Make it a good one!

10. Hilbily. Seriously? It’s not like the websites have a strict limit of the number of letters for a chosen name.

“Vanna, I’ll take an ‘L.’ Make that two.” I guess there’s a pot for every lid, and there just may be a little lady in the hills looking for this feller.

In our next installment of this mini-series, we’ll look at what these guys have to say for themselves. I think everyone can agree that marketing ourselves online is a daunting task. Yes, my curiosity, and having way too much time on my hands, drove me to investigate further. Once I got past the Profile Pictures, and the screen names, I just had to see what these guys had to say in their "About Me" essays, and short-answer responses to the questions. I'm saving the best for last. In the final segment, we’re going to let the men have the last word. Then we can have the last laugh.