Need a Lift?

All of us struggle from time to time. We may be tempted to deny it. Some of us put on a brave face, and keep our troubles to ourselves. Others realize there is no weakness in admitting when life feels hard. And still others of us may feel overwhelmed, and embarrassed to admit when we feel sad or anxious. 

Depending on the time of my life, I suppose I have reacted to anxiety and depression in a variety of ways. There were times when I acted out in word or deed, revealing my frustration or anger. There were times I did not feel I could be honest about the way I felt, so I doggedly pursued focusing on the positives, and tried to put on a happy face. 

It took me a very long time to realize that no purpose is served in denying how I truly feel, and eventually, with lots of encouragement from the people who love me, I am learning to own who I am, even the sad and anxious parts. 

So why did I cry in the doctor's office yesterday when I tried to tell her what these last couple of months have been like for me? I wiped away embarrassed tears with the Kleenex she offered me. She reminded me many people, especially women, feel like we have to put up a brave front, but there is no shame in crying or admitting we need help.

Lest you think my troubles are worthy of your pity, let me just say that my life is certainly no harder than anyone else's, and it is much easier than others'. There are just times when I just let my mind race with anxious thoughts, and I feel overcome with sad feelings. I know none of us have been promised a life without trials, and I also know that when I am struggling the most is usually when I am learning the most. What lessons are there here for me this time? 

My doctor has been trying to help me find the right prescription combo to help treat my insomnia and boost my mood. When I got sick about six weeks ago, I was prescribed antibiotics, and I felt better within just a few days. But then every couple of days or so after that, I would become lethargic, and run a low-grade fever. My insomnia seemed to worsen, except on nights I was running a fever, and then I slept hard for nine or ten hours, and still woke up feeling exhausted. 

My anxiety allowed me to think that maybe I was really sick, and you know what happened when I started Googling symptoms, and checking out WEB, MD. Bad idea. I decided to leave the diagnosing to the professionals. Which is how I wound up at the doctor's office yesterday. 

The nurse doing the intake asked me if I still did the things I enjoy doing. My throat tightened. I explained that my husband and I are photographers, and as much as I love taking pictures and editing them, Chuck had to take on four of our last five assignments by himself; I wasn't up to the tasks. I have not felt well, and even when I may not have been physically ill, I just have had no energy to get off the couch, let alone work with my photographs or my blog. I haven't been able to spend as much time with my mother-in-law or little Elise because I'm not sure if I'm contagious with these random fevers. Poor Chuck has had to fend for himself for dinner after his brutal commute and long days at work. My workouts have been reduced to walking the dogs and yoga when I feel decent, yoga when I'm tired, and a little meditation when I'm just plain exhausted. 

Those crippling thoughts of "I'm not doing enough," and "I'm not enough," had begun to creep into my brain. Ooh. That is never a good sign. I definitely have lessons to learn when faulty thinking becomes my norm. 

Every day, even on my bad days, I like to start my morning with a cup of coffee, while reading words that uplift and encourage me. Many of the verses I find are beautiful gems from the Bible. Some of the quotes are sweet reminders for challenging days. 

This morning during my quiet time, I had my a-ha moment. I realized that even on low energy days, I can still be of service by lifting and encouraging others. My to-do list may not get any shorter, and the house may not be as tidy, and I may not be making much progress on some of my goals, but I can always find some time to reach out to friends and family. 

One thing I enjoy doing is combining my photography with scriptures and quotes. So today, as I try to muster up a little more energy to return to the things that bring me joy, I want to share some of these with you. Maybe you, or someone you know, could use some words of encouragement today. 

Thanks for sticking around, and for being so encouraging to me. Today, let me try to return the favor to you.