I Couldn't Do This Without You

While it is still dark, and the moon is beginning to fade, and the sun is starting to rise, it is the perfect time for me to meditate. As I take in the beauty of the tree-lined streets in our neighborhood, I talk to God, and I try to listen. I pray for my husband, our kids, our parents, our friends. When I need help, I ask for guidance.

Last Friday, while walking past the streetlights, I was thinking about my blog. I love writing, and I have a tendency to write light-hearted pieces about the things I remember, the things we've done, and the thoughts I have. Due to an error on my part, when I shared my blog on Facebook, there were only three people who could see it. My brother's family must have been puzzled about why I tagged them specifically with the random blog posts during the week. The thing that concerned me is that not many people were reading my writing. 

As the sky started to glow, I pondered why my numbers were so off. Maybe I was writing about such trivial matters, and in such a trite way, people had tired of my writing. Maybe I needed to tackle more serious topics. I couldn't explain why my readership had dropped so much, but I determined to try to step up my writing game. I asked God to help me as an author; help me be honest, and help me keep things real. I want to be an influence for good, to offer hope, and maybe even inspire someone. I want to be vulnerable in my writing, and take on topics that all of us confront. I felt it was important for me to not avoid certain topics in my efforts to keep things positive. "God," I pleaded, "Help me not shy away from the tough stuff."

Well, you know that "ask and you shall receive" thing? I received.

Later that day, Chuck and I had a disagreement. During the course of conversation, things would escalate until neither of us could even think of anything else we could say, and we would drop it, until we brought it up, and the argument would spin out of control again. Both of us were frustrated, and one of us was angry, and one of us was very sad. Once we were talked out, we took a time-out, and then we managed to start rebuilding.

So, I was given this gift of some tough stuff. Now that I had it, what would I do with it? Did I want to sweep it under the rug, and just write about the date we had planned, to go to a play, written and directed by a friend of ours, or did I want to share our struggle? Would anyone else benefit from my writing about how we deal with issues of our own? I decided to process my thoughts by writing things down, and early Saturday morning, I completed my rough draft of Confiding in My Confidante.

Consulting with Chuck was a must. How would he feel about my sharing how we dealt with problems? Was I crossing a line? Was I just airing our dirty laundry?

We know we have friends and family members who admire our marriage relationship. We both feel like keeping things honest and real is better than presenting a false sense of "all is well," at all costs. Sometimes it is easy to ignore the tough stuff, and just focus on the fun things. 

What if someone else needs to know theirs isn't the only relationship dealing with disagreements? What if someone else would benefit from hearing how we were able to get back on track after an argument? What if someone else was making assumptions about us, looking from the outside in, and believed we were the perfect couple who never disagreed, and we perpetuated that myth by denying we ever faced struggles together?

We agreed it was important enough to share. And I am very glad I did. It wasn't until Saturday night that I realized my friends hadn't forsaken my writing; I had just set the privacy settings for a very limited audience. Once I got that rectified, and posted my blog Saturday evening, my readers started "coming back," and offered such supportive comments. We were thanked for our honesty, our vulnerability. We heard echoes of "Us, too." It felt good to know I hadn't really LOST my readers; they had been there all along. And more importantly, it was not only okay to write about heavier topics, it was appreciated.

This morning, I thanked Chuck for his support in our marriage, and specifically with my blog. "I couldn't do this without you, you know?"

"What? Have disagreements to write about?" he quipped. 

And that's my Handsome for you. Always with the quick wit, and the dry humor. I really do get some of my best material from him. Without Chuck, and our kids, the Randomocity blog posts would just be an eclectic mix of recipes, and odd, stream-of-consciousness writing. So, yes, I need Chuck to provide the witty repartée, and take part in the occasional disagreements so I actually have something to write that's worth reading. Thanks, Beart. Your Stuart really couldn't do this without you. 

And I need you, too. You there, reading my blog. Thanks for stopping by today. Knowing you care enough about what I have to say to take the time to read it means so much. I suppose I COULD write without you, but I wouldn't WANT to. We writers love having an audience. You guys are awesome. So, again, thanks.