Confiding in My Confidante

Sometimes life seems hard, and partners disagree, and emotions run high, and feelings get hurt, and the best thing to do is to admit we need a time-out.

While I was lying on the couch, thoughts tumbled around inside of my head. How could I transition from this feeling of anger back to a feeling of love? How could I move from defensiveness to forgiveness? I had let myself get so frustrated that I was just plain mad. I didn't know what to do.

There was a part of me who wished I had a confidante. Someone to listen to my side of the story. Someone in my corner who wanted what was best for me. Someone who would hear me without judging me. 

And then it occurred to me. I do have a confidante. My very best friend in the whole wide world. I married him. 

So while he was at his computer in the office, and I was on the couch in the living room, I initiated a conversation in the most non-threatening way I could; I texted him.

I don't confide in girlfriends, so can I tell my best friend something?

Always.

I think sometimes I drive my husband crazy. 

And sometimes I feel bonkers when we don't see eye-to-eye.

But you know he loves you.

I do. I know he loves me. I think he knows I love him, too.

Yes, he does; he told me.

Do you think my husband and I have to agree on everything to be happy?

Sometimes what is so clear in his world is different in yours.

And he does not understand.

And sometimes it scares and hurts him. 

I know he is smart, but sometimes I get the feeling he thinks I am not. And it makes me feel frustrated, and then I am afraid to back down. 

Even if I might be a little wrong.

We are very different, my husband and I.

He knows you are very smart.

I love him so much, and it concerns me how much he worries. I think he thinks I don't worry enough. 

I used to worry all the time. I am trying to cut back. 

He does not worry all the time.

Just tries to think about things.

He might have written the book Worst Case Scenario. ;-)

Don't tell him I said that. :-) 

No, he works on the book How to Avoid the Worst Case Scenario.

Do you think he is smiling right now? A little?

Inside, yes.

That's a start. 

I made him very sad today.

He made you mad.

And he is sorry.

He felt empty inside. That makes me sad.

He did. 

Will you come model for some photos for him?

Outside?

I am sorry I got so mad at him. Sometimes I want to scream, but I know that won't solve anything.

Do I have time to put on makeup?

He is taking me out tonight.

Nope, no makeup.

These are just test pictures.

I want to look nice for our date. 

You will.

Thank you for texting with me. 

I wanted to edit our words, to change the ending, to make it cleaner and more succinct, but this is our life; our messy, awkward, and very real life. 

We are photographers. Once the ice melted between us, we could go back to living and loving each other the way we do. He asked me to pose for pictures. I agreed to model. We were getting back to our normal. 

Love was replacing anger. Forgiveness was pulling down the walls of defensiveness. We needed to remember the power of the simple things; apologies, and hugs, and forgiveness. 

Before we went outside, we held each other for a very long time. I felt the tension dissolve, and my heart soften, as I was wrapped in his arms. Forgiving each other is one of the greatest gifts we give each other. My confidence in my choice of confidante grows.