A Double Nickel's Worth of Facts about Chuck

This blog post features a guest blogger, my fiançe. Many of you have been curious about this man who has won my heart. I present to you, my best friend and future husband, in his own words, on the celebration of his 55th birthday.

A Double Nickel's Worth 

of Facts about Chuck

written by Chuck, October 2014 

Photo by Denise

1.  I live in the town I was born in. I was born in Delnor Hospital in Saint Charles, Illinois. I was raised out east in Wheaton, 20 minutes from here, spent time in the south in Warrenville, 15 minutes from here, and now have been back in St. Charles for the past 24 years. 

2.  I have had only two fields of work, if you don't count cutting grass. I worked in tennis in high school and college and in I.T. (information technology) since then. 

3.  I was raised in a family of three sons and have a family of three sons. Never spent any time in the Barbie aisle. 

The Bennorth Boys: Matt, Chris, and Zack

4. I had hoped to become a professional tennis player, then a tennis instructor. I was never even close on the player side, though I was the head instructor for the park district for 2 summers. 

Note from Denise: I would have had the biggest crush on the boy on the far left when I was 16 in 1977.

5. I don't acquire a taste for any special food. If I don't like it, it stays that way, even if I have never tried it. 

6. I thoroughly enjoy photography. It is a hobby that became a passion that I started about 14 years ago, near as I can figure. 

Chuck in the Great Smoky Mountains

7. I have been to the local Renaissance Faire at least once a summer for the past 17 years. And many more times than that in the past few summers, as my photography desires grew. 

Photo by Chuck

8. I really enjoy instrumental music, especially classical music. Songs that i know the words for that are played with no singing do not count as instrumentals. 

9. I enjoy watching movies. Particularly good dramas that can really draw me in or witty comedies. Dumb and Dumber does not qualify as a witty comedy. 

10. I am a big reader and have been since my pre-teens. Many times I will have two books going on at once. 

11. I am not a goal-oriented person. There are not things that I set out to accomplish in life, but I enjoy seeing where each new day will take me. 

12. While I don't set goals, I very much look forward to things that are coming up. Plans and events are fun for me. 

13. I enjoy exercise and physical activity, but prefer it to come as part of something else. Pick up games, walks with the camera, hiking, etc. 

14. I am very competitive. It is always fun to try to do better than myself or another. 

15. I like making a game out of many things. Taking out the recycle plastic bottles, boring; seeing if I can toss them into the recycle bin from across the garage, much more fun. (See item 14)

16. Sudoku on my iPhone is not as much fun anymore because they have a timer on it. Because of item 14, I can't just enjoy completing the game, I have to complete it quickly according to the timer. 

17. I see the world in mental pictures due to my passion of photography. I often will look at something, and think about how it would look as a photo. 

Photo by Chuck

18. I love to laugh and make others laugh. 

19. Love is not a word that I apply to many things. I don't love a car, or pizza, or dessert. I save that word for those very special to me, or to a few select other things in life. See item 18

20. I am attracted to poetry where the poet is writing of things personal in their life. I like the depth of emotion and openness that can be found there. 

21. When I write poetry, it is nearly always as a form of self-expression, a way of expressing my feelings or emotions. 

22. I adapt quickly to new situations. Once I find the new parameters, I accept them as my new reality. My job has a 90 mile round trip commute each day. Once I started that job, the commute was just part of my new life, not a frustration or bother. 

23. I am a man of routines. I settle into routines of things in my life, and am pretty good with most of them day after day. Though I do look forward to breaks like weekends and vacations. 

24. I usually wear size extra-large shirts and sweatshirts. I could be close to large, but like the extra shoulder and arm room. 

25. I am a thinker about things. I do not do much by impulse, but think things over and analyze them before doing them, especially in purchases. 

26. I don't like attention drawn to myself, but do like to be recognized for things I have done. The battle of my shyness versus my desire to be respected. 

27. My middle brother and I are very different inside but similar enough outside that my mom even confused us at my son's wedding. 

28. I love being a dad. That special, unconditional love relationship with my sons is very special to me. 

29. Chris and I share time very athletically. He is the one person I don't mind losing to, though I have never let him beat me. Any time he does, and there are many times, he has earned it. 

30. I enjoy the simple things of life. I don't need the latest, fanciest, newest. I don't keep up with the latest shows, movies, etc. 

31. I am not much of a TV watcher. There are a few shows that I have watched on Netflix, but my TV, for the most part, remains off, and I am content with that. 

32. There is a soft side to me. Seeing people hurt or seeing people caring for others and giving of themselves for others is very tender for me. 

33. I throw myself into things I want to accomplish. Once it is on my mental list, I work hard at completing it. 

34. Matt and I connect intellectually. Discussions of movies, life and things are what he and I do best. He is the most like me in the area of responsibility and making the right choice. 

35. Zack and I have the silliest fun of the three. Little fun games can keep us entertained and provide fun as we are together. 

36. I get headaches at times. I have found that taking a migraine formula Excedrin, and resting on the couch will relax it. And it is a good time for me to relax, and write about 55 facts about me. 

37. I was divorced 15 plus years ago. I assumed then that I would marry again soon, but just never did. It took me all these years to find the one that I am meant to be with. Thank you, Denise, for choosing me, and for saying yes. 

Mingo Falls, Great Smoky Mountains National Park, October 24, 2014
Photo by some unknown tourist. We thank you.

38. I use very little caffeine. On a bad day at work, I will have the energy boost of a few M&Ms, but generally if I am tired, I will just take a quick power nap 

39. I can read books and watch movies over and over. If I like the characters, I can go back again to revisit them. 

40. I do enjoy sports and watching them. I just don't set aside the time to do that. I would rather be doing other things. I follow some pro teams but rarely college, because I can keep track of the athletes in the pros. The college teams change too much year after year. 

41. I am not a perfectionist. I work in terms of better and improvement, rather than perfection. 

42. I have learned that I enjoy travel and photography. I really enjoy seeing the beauty of nature and settings from around the country.  

Great Smoky Mountains, October 2014 (Photo by Chuck)

43. I like to relate to places and things. I find things, places, etc. that I am comfortable with and enjoy and then am willing to include in my world. The Smoky Mountains and San Diego are two such places. 

44. I enjoy deep and meaningful conversations, getting to really know someone. That is one thing that I really appreciate about Denise, her openness to talk with me about everything. 

45. I became a Christian in my early twenties. Understanding God's desire to be personal and real in my life was amazing and I wanted that. 

46. When it comes to home and garden, I don't have a vision to what could be relative to changes and improvements. I see and try to keep up with things, but don't often see where something could be. 

47. Blue is my favorite color. All different shades of it. 

48. I like American, Italian and Mexican food the most. My favorite restaurant is Front Street Cocina. I get the ground beef chimichanga nearly every time. I like many other dishes as well, but I go with the favorites. 

49. I eat 5 smaller meals each day, spreading the food out instead of three larger ones. Part of this is spending out the carbs due to type 2 diabetes. 

50. I snack too much when at work at my desk. It is situation and location basses snacking. If I am working from home or not working, I snack much much less. 

51. While I am 55 on the outside, I still feel like I am a young adult on the inside. This can cause problems athletically, when my inside age calls on my outside body to do something. 

52. I am learning to slow down and enjoy the simple, do little or nothing moments, to appreciate the beauty around me and the warmth of the sun. 

53. Little things can be very special to me, the special things that are part of a relationship or celebration. Denise and I share many of those. She is the other half of me. 

Photo of Denise by Chuck

I had a 54 in mind when I was typing 53. I wonder what it was. 

54. Being respected is very important to me. In my work, photography, opinions, writing, life. I want to live worthy of other's respect. 

55. I am humbled and amazed at the way others care for me, think of me, encourage me. They see things in me that I don't. The kindness that is shown me by others touches me very deeply.


Did you know Chuck has a blog of his own? Check it out HERE!

If you're wondering how I met this wonderful specimen of a man, you can read about how "We Clicked from the Beginning."

Ten of my favorite Randomocity blog posts featuring Chuck can be found below:

With This Ring, I Thee Wed

The Bachelor Takes a Wife

Good Morning, Beautiful

Country Mouse, City Mouse

He Calls Me Little Mouse

My Brave Little Toaster

I Fell in Love with His Words

Sworn to Secrecy

What Rhymes with 'Olonoscopy?

The Male Version of Myself

As We Approach Our Big Day

Counting sleeps, we measure the time,

the incredibly slow ticking of the clock,

and turning of the calendar until

we are together again.

Until my birthday,

until a holiday,

until a weekend,

until Christmas Eve,

until our wedding.

They are all special events

leading to the moment 

we begin our life

as husband and wife.

The big day is big, 

but only because it is the day

we officially become one.

How grateful I am that

the small details seem 

to be taking care of themselves.

I never want to lose sight

of what is most important.

It's not the rings, not the dress,

not the suit, not the tie,

not the minister, not the venue.

It is you. It is I. It is us.

Our marriage is the most important

promise we will make.

We are committing

our devotion, our faithfulness,

our time, our bodies, 

our resources, our hearts,

our respect, and our love

to each other

forever.

It has never been about the wedding.

It will always be about the sacred bond

between us.

I never want to forget

that your happiness is my priority,

and your love is my greatest blessing.

As we approach our big day,

I pray for peace of mind,

that I will remember that it is not WHAT 

is most important, but WHO.

It's never the things, the events, the details.

It is always the people who are the heart

of the special times.

I'm so glad that you are mine, 

and I am yours.

That is where I want to center my thoughts

and focus on the beginning of our forever.

Was There Time Before Us?

WAS THERE TIME BEFORE US?

Before there was us...

Was there ever a time before we were one?

If so, my heart doesn't want to remember it.

Forever started the day you came into my life,

quietly and unobtrusively. 

All of a sudden you were there,

and just noticing your presence made me smile.

I don't want daylight to end

because sleep seems like such 

a wasteful way to spend time since you appeared.

I don't want to miss a moment 

with you in it, and I fight sleep 

until it overtakes me, and the last thing

I remember when I wake up

is hearing your soft voice as 

my eyelids fluttered over my eyes,

and finally shut out the light.

Now that there is an us,

we measure time in sleeps 

until we are together again,

and we measure time not at all 

when our hearts and bodies come together,

for counting minutes then seems 

to make time fly too quickly.

If only time could stand still when we are one,

and speed up in its flight when we are apart.

If only...

To wish for anything more than what we have

is an exercise in futility.

So tonight, I am grateful for 

your love, your devotion, and the promise

of a future together with you.

"We Clicked from the Beginning" (A Response to "How Did You Two Meet?")

You Belong Here...Our Classroom Theme

School has been in session for not quite a month, and my second graders and I are finally adjusting to life with a schedule. When I think about how hard it is for me, I realize what a challenge it is for them.

Gone are the days when they can sidle up to Mom for a comforting hug. There's no kitchen to wander into for a snack when our tummies are growling. We can't just flop down on the couch when we are feeling lazy. We don't have access to our electronic devices, books, and toys. These poor kids are plucked from their care-free summer days, and tossed into a classroom full of other children, and a fairly demanding adult, and they're expected to sit up straight, focus on work, and do things quietly.

The beginning of school is a rude awakening for some of us. Our body clocks were used to staying up later, and sleeping in when we want to do that. We ate when we were hungry, and rested when the mood hit us. Now we find ourselves sitting on hard chairs at hard desks, having to do things we may or may not like to do, sitting by people we may or may not consider our friends, and we have to conform to school procedures.

I was nervous, until I started making phone calls to my second graders the week before school started. Just hearing the innocence in their voices made my heart soften. Finding out what they like to do, and what they were worried about put personalities to their names.

And then at Back to School Night, I met them. I'd forgotten just how cute second graders are. And how SMALL. My back is still adjusting to bending over their tiny desks. I have a tall stool in the front of the room to lean on, and a comfy rocking chair in the back to sit on when they sit on the carpet.

I have an incredible mix of children. Already, they are starting to bond with each other. During our morning meetings, we talk about three important things. First we see what needs to improve, then we make sure everyone knows what's going on, and what's expected, and we finish up with compliments. This is when I pour on the positive reinforcement, and the kids are starting to mimic that. If I know someone has been struggling to get along, I will look for ways they are developing their relationships with classmates, and point them out. If someone took the time to make someone feel good about themselves, I let the kids know. If a child finally passed off a skill, we take time to celebrate it.

We had a great discussion our first week together about the difference between FITTING IN and BELONGING. (I'd like to thank Brené Brown for teaching ME the difference in her book DARING GREATLY.) My second graders got it. They understand that they deserve to be the people they are, and deserve acceptance, and we're learning that we have a responsibility to be kind to those different from ourselves.  

Oprah said in her 25 years of doing the Oprah show, her guests all wanted to know the same thing.

DID YOU SEE ME?

DID YOU HEAR ME?

DID WHAT I SAY MATTER TO YOU?

My second graders want to know that, too. Don't we all want to be seen, to be heard, to know we are important? My goal this first few weeks is to instill in them this thought, "I belong here." I love these kids already. They belong here, and they belong to me. I hope they always remember that.

Friday's Back in Town

Yahoo! I'm as excited as my little second graders that today is Friday. We've put in some hard work, and we're all ready for a weekend. 

During my one year retirement, the days of the week lost all meaning in my life. Every day was mine to do with what I wanted. I woke up, wrote, walked the dog, played on the internet, went out to eat; basically, I did whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted. I rarely looked at a calendar or a clock. And I loved it.

This school year started on a Wednesday, and let me tell you, after only two days back at work, I was pretty darn excited when that first Friday showed up because I was EXHAUSTED. 

Imagine my excitement this morning, after sleeping all night, and for once, being woken by the alarm clock (that NEVER happens), only to realize it's FRIDAY!

I'm still trying to get used to my new schedule, and am very hopeful that after a couple of weeks, I will figure out how to return to blogging with some regularity, and get back on top of my workouts. For now, my focus is school. Well, TODAY, my focus is on the weekend! Have a wonderful Labor Day weekend, everyone!

First Day Jitters

"It's today! It's today! It's today!" I feel just like George in Stuart Little. Today is my first day back at teaching after a brief, one-year retirement. And I am so excited.

So...what is wrong with this picture? Well, I'll tell you. There are no children milling about the room, and that is what has been bothering me ever since I've gone back to work. I don't do well in an empty classroom. I suppose teachers are like entertainers, in a way, and we enjoy performing for the crowd. Playing to an empty room...there's no fun in that!

Last night was Back to School Night at Monroe Elementary. True to form, I talked too fast, and I was a little nervous, but just meeting my children put my mind at ease. They are darling. They are so beautiful. And some of them are just like me, a little nervous about this day.  I'm looking forward to settling into my rocking chair for our morning meeting. That is my time of day to assure them they belong here, and for them to tell me what is on their minds. We will work through our problems, and discover things about each other during our class gathering.

This will be our theme this school year.

To let them know they're not alone, I'll be reading First Day Jitters by Julie Danneburg. I think it will help us all relax to know we're not alone. Kids aren't the only ones with a case of nerves; most teachers admit to dealing with that, too.

My prayer today is that I will not rush. I will remember that it is not the curriculum I'm teaching...I teach children. When I remember that, my school days fall into place in all the right ways. I will take deep breaths, and slow down, and savor every moment that I can. I want my kids to know that Room 26 is where they belong. They don't have to try to fit in; they are wonderful human beings just the way they are. We'll all be learning together this year. I want school to feel like a home away from home for all of us.

I was wide awake at 4 this morning, which, while better than 3, is still pretty early. This August hasn't been any different than the thirty before when I was teaching elementary school. I just get so excited about school starting, I can't sleep. Like I said before, this is like Christmas morning for me. I have the next year to unwrap these gifts their parents have given me for this second grade year, and I want to help my kids discover how uniquely special each one of them is.

Wish me luck! I'm heading in early, just to go over our schedule one more time to make sure I haven't forgotten everything. Then I can relax, and enjoy getting to know my little ones. And I will put these jitters to rest, once and for all. 

The Best Summer Ever

My bucket list keeps getting longer. It seems the more I check off, the more I add to the list. 53 years old, and I'm still amazed at the things I haven't done, and the places I've yet to see. Another summer is quickly winding down, and I've still never been on a cruise. I have yet to see the Grand Canyon. I have still never been to Zion's National Park to hike the Narrows, Angels' Landing or the Subway. And yet...

Let the road trip to Denver begin!

As Bridger and I were driving toward Denver recently, he remarked to me, "I have to say, I think this has been the best summer ever." I had been thinking the same thing, but wanted to know what made that true for him.

"What sets this summer apart from others? Why is it the best for you?"

"I've spent a lot of time hanging with my friends. We've gone to Jeb's Hole (a local swimming hole in the canal system). We've played night games."

"And the road trip to California was awesome," I added.

"And the road trip to California WAS awesome," he agreed.

We were on our way to Denver, our annual summer road trip to see his sister Sierra, and we were grateful to have this little vacation time to ourselves.

I have teased that Bridger is my baby hummingbird, coming in to the feeder only briefly, and then flitting away as soon as he has eaten. On the rare occasion he turns into my song bird, our house is filled with the sound of his guitar. I haven't minded my living room looking like a musician's paradise...full of guitars and amplifiers. Music is that boy's life.

For me, it has been the best summer for different reasons. While our adventures were highlights for me, as well, there has been an emotional and mental shift that is almost imperceptible, until I look back at how far I've come. There is finally room for play in my life.

In today's meditation, the centering thought was "I am playful." Playfulness in our lives invites creativity, receptivity, and revitalization. We all know the old adage, "All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy." Our lives seem to have more positive energy when we take the time to play. 

Deepak Chopra says, "Being too serious or heavy takes us away from our playful, joyful self. It also keeps your spirit from expanding. No matter how old you are, you will be young at heart if you know that play renews the spirit...[Play] embraces joy, spontaneity, and fun."

The spontaneous moments of the summer are what have set this one apart from all of the others in recent history. Concerts, road trips, meeting new friends for breakfast or lunch on actual dates (!),  parades, fireworks, community dinners and work nights at the potato patch, solo bike rides, shopping in thrift stores (and of course, showing off our more ridiculous finds), tubing down the river, hiking...all of these moments have added a spice to this summer, making it the most flavorful, so far.

Today, I go back to work. My summer officially "ends" today, but I am determined to keep a summer state of mind. My August Mary Engelbreit calendar has this awesome quote:

"'Why not?' is a slogan for an interesting life." - Mason Cooley

Whenever possible, I plan to answer each opportunity to do something fun with the "Why not?" response. Today may be my first day back to school, but the summer will resume as soon as I get off work. We're taking off for Bryce Canyon with a great group of friends to attend the Utah Symphony concert.  

When my friend invited me, my initial thought was, "What if a man asks me out, and I already have plans with my friends?" AWESOME, was the answer to that question. The old Denise would have chosen to spend time on a date over time with friends. The new Denise knows there will always be time for dates, but how many chances will I have to hear the Utah Symphony under the canopy of the night sky in Bryce Canyon? EXACTLY.

What will you do for fun this weekend? If you haven't already made plans, I'd like to suggest you figure out at least one fun thing you've been meaning to do, and go do it! 

Some of my favorite memories of playing this summer...

Hiking the Flatirons with my Colorado kids.

I take every opportunity to make my daughter nervous. Pose with
a statue in the middle of downtown Boulder? Why not?

My hero...

If there are hats, we WILL be trying them on!

My hummingbird is also a song bird.

We went to the hot springs for the first time!

Dye his hair blue? Why not?

Can't remember the last time I went to the fireworks in July. So glad I went!

My silly hiking buddy.

Family picture day

Charlie's Angels...yeah, right...

Sometimes we like to pretend we are "Mall Cops" just to make
Sierra nervous.

Thrift store finds. Yep, she bought the one on the right.

What's a summer without shaved ice?

Solo bike ride through the canyon? Why not?

Bridger will always be our Boo.

Spontaneous trip to the big city with Kimberly? Why not?

Have an awkward moment with a stranger at the shore? Why not? She was a little drunk, I was a little nervous, and somehow I ended up wearing her sweatshirt before the evening ended. 

Spend a long weekend with virtual friends I had never met? Why not?

Run a 5K Color Run? But I'm not a runner. Why not, indeed?

Memories of a great day hiking with my most  favorite people in the world.

My happy hikers, all five of them together at once!

For a good time HIKING, call...

Get out there, and have some fun!

Smack-Dab in the Middle of an Awesome Life

This summer has been the best summer ever. Yes, there have been some adventures, some trips, and some experiences that have been enjoyable, but that's not the best part.

It's not just the things I've done, it's the things I've thought, and the way I've felt. There has been a nearly imperceptible shift in my attitude, but when I look at where I was, and see how far I've come, I cannot deny the changes that have been taking place.

I remember that I was trying an imagery exercise about a year ago, picturing what I thought my ideal life would look like. The problem was, I was adding in so many variables that were beyond my control that my ideal life was not even in the realm of possibility.

The image in my head was a picture of certain people, doing certain things, in a certain place. The overall concept of this imaginary picture was peace and happiness, but I was missing the point. Peace and happiness can be mine without certain people, places or things. My dream was so specific, that I was constantly disappointed with where I was in life, not realizing that it's never the variables (people-places-things) that make us happy, it's the constants (attitude and mindset).

Control is simply an illusion, isn't it? I don't get to control how someone else feels, or thinks, or acts, and no one gets to control those things about me, either. If I'm not happy or at peace, I have no one to blame but myself.

No longer do I say to myself, "I'll be happy when So & So does this. I'll feel peaceful when I live in Such & Such a place. Happiness will be mine when So & So and I do Such & Such. Peace will be a part of my life when I have done Such & Such." Nope. Now I just say to myself, "Today I'll be happy. Today I will be at peace with my life." 

A magical thing happened when I RELEASED MY EXPECTATIONS, when I was no longer attached to the outcome. The very things I was seeking, happiness and peace, became part of my daily life. I let go of my limiting view of what that would look like, who would be there, and where I would be, and now I find myself smack-dab in the middle of an awesome life. 

I've always had an awesome life, but I forgot that. I've always been an awesome person, but I forgot that. We forget some pretty important things when we operate under the illusion that we have any control over the events and people in our lives.

What's holding you back? What lies have you been telling yourself that you would be willing to release, if you knew you would be happier? It's scary to let go of tightly held beliefs, but it's worth it. You just might find yourself smack-dab in the middle of your own awesome life, for the price of letting go of your expectations. Go ahead; try it. What have you got to lose?

This Bout of Insomnia Brought to You by...

Just like clockwork, my insomnia is back. I find myself checking my phone for the time throughout the night. The glaring numbers cause my eyes to squint in the darkness: 12:30...1:10...2:00...2:15...2:45... By the time 3:00 arrives, I figure I might as well roll with it, and get this day started. 

Clockwork, you say? Yes, every August, and every May, except when I was retired, have been the biggest months of insomnia for me. The culprit? School. 

Last August was delightful. It was the first August in 30 years that I didn't have a classroom to organize, lessons to plan, children's names to learn. My sleeping pattern was not disturbed by a brain running at full tilt at odd hours of the night. I still awoke early each day, but not in the middle of the night kind of early. 

Now when I go to school, I wander around my classroom like a lost ghost. The desks and chairs are so tiny. Nothing seems familiar. I open cupboards and drawers to discover things the previous teacher left behind. Will I need all of this stuff, I wonder? What am I forgetting to do?

It's only been a year without teaching, but it's been 28 years since I've taught second grade, so I'm a little nervous about that. Until I meet with my team, I will be lost, so in the meantime, I fill my time with mindless activities like writing dates in my plan book, filling playground balls with air, and sharpening pencils. (My master's degree seems to mock me at times like this.)

My own teacher paraphernalia was donated to other teachers last year. I gave away everything. Hundreds of story books, thousands of dollars' worth of teaching supplies. I threw away all of my plan books, my documentation, and copious notes. 

Now I find myself sitting in a bare classroom, back at square one, knowing I don't have another full career left in me, but wanting very much to offer my best to the children in my class this year. At times I am overwhelmed with inadequacy, and a desire to make a difference. 

Friends laugh at me when I mention the butterflies I'm experiencing. "You? You're a pro. You could do this in your sleep." Oh, and I do. I even teach in my sleep. The dreams...they are more like nightmares, really. The crazy things I dream about make it difficult to sleep; missed meetings, children out of control, school days full of madness and mayhem.

Until my little second graders start filling up my classroom that first day, I will be haunted by fears and doubts, and yes, more than just a little bit of excitement. 

The night before school starts is always the hardest for me. I'm like a child on Christmas Eve. I can hardly wait to see what the morning will bring. All of those beautiful gifts, just waiting to be discovered after a sleepless night of tossing and turning. I will have nine months to unwrap these gifts given to me, to discover their strengths, and to share my love of learning with them. Teaching is my calling; in my heart, I know that. It will be good to be back at school, doing what I do best. 

Now if I can just figure out how to get a little more shut-eye...