What Rhymes with 'Olonoscopy?

"You can't use the "C" word, if you write about this," my husband insisted.

"Oh, sure, give me a writing challenge, and then tie my hands behind my back," I said, throwing my hands up as we drove out of the hospital parking lot.

"And no, you can't just drop the "c," and write about an " 'olonoscopy," he added.

"You're not being fair, you know."

"You're not being very sensitive to my feelings about this very sensitive topic."

I reminded Chuck that we could make this a public service announcement, reminding people how important colonoscopies are. 

"Don't use the word colonoscopy!"

Ugh. My husband can be a little stubborn when it comes to his privacy. 

I teased him saying I could write the story, and just mention I was with "THIS GUY" (air quotes used for emphasis) in the gastroenterologist's office in Saint Charles...

Chris Farley demonstrates air quotes

"Don't make it sound like you just go with random guys for their doctor's visits."

"Well, your anonymity is so important to you; I'm just trying to help."

If you're reading this, you know I persevered, and Chuck gave me permission, sort of, to share my story with a limited audience. The audience needs to be people he does not know personally, and believes he will not be meeting in the very near future. I feel sorry for the rest of the folks who don't get to hear this one.

I just love showing how witty my husband is, and I think it is good to remind people that no matter how embarrassing or uncomfortable it may be to talk about colonoscopies, it's important to be pro-active when it comes to our health. I have dear friends who are still with us today because of colonoscopy screenings, and they were able to pursue treatment which, thankfully, saved their lives. So, back to our story...

While the doctor was talking to "this guy,"who happens to be my handsome husband, he pointed out that one in eighteen patients has pre-cancerous polyps.

"So how did things go for your previous seventeen patients?" "this guy" asked. I nudged him with my elbow, knowing how his mind works.

The doctor paused, gave a quick smile, and said that they were doing quite well. Chuck looked down, and took a quick gulp. I believe I heard an "Uh-oh." See what I mean?

The next day, Chuck posted this on Facebook:

During the office visit, the doctor pointed out, "It's the patients who don't come in for screenings who are having problems." 

The nurse came back with the pre-screening preparation instructions, two whole pages worth. I don't envy her her job, but she balanced out her information with a dry sense of humor. She and Chuck kept up their exchange of humorous dialogue until it was time to go.

Chuck mentioned that most people have to drink disgusting juice and vegetable drinks for days on end when on a cleansing diet. He would be able to take care of things in less than two days, and would be spared from drinking any juice. We all know how much he loves fruits and veggies.

(At this point in my writing, I had Chuck come in to see what he thought of my story so far.

"You're doing a very excellent job of telling this," he said. "Too bad you and I are the only ones who will ever read it." Ugh.

He's a character, but he puts up with me. And my blog. And a lowered level of privacy. Bless his heart.

Admittedly, the preparation required for a colonoscopy is not fun and games. It's tedious. It can be a little uncomfortable. It requires that you camp out near the bathroom for most of the day before the procedure, but the procedure itself is a breeze. 

One of the most peaceful moments of my life was right before the anesthesia overtook me before my own colonoscopy. Right as my eyes closed, I felt so blissful and carefree, and before I knew it, I was awake, and ready to go home. No. Big. Deal. And totally worth it to know I had a healthy colon.

This rite of passage may not be as fun as being old enough to drive, or buying yourself your first beer legally, but if you're over 50, and are lucky enough to still have your colon, you better take care of it. Seriously, no matter how inconvenient, embarrassing, or uncomfortable it may be, go get a colonoscopy. The life you save may be your own.

This public service announcement brought to you by "this guy" and Randomocity. You're welcome.

(See, Honey, that wasn't so bad, was it?)