Monday, November 14, 2016

How Can I Be a Better Wife Today?

There is a newlywed couple in our church. In wishing his darling wife a happy birthday Sunday morning, the husband mentioned on Facebook that every day he asks himself this question: How can I be a better husband today?

Such a serious question for a young husband, and yet, what a difference it must make in their lives.

Sunday, I was having a really good day, and got out of bed early. When I read this heartfelt post on Facebook, it struck me that it is a perfect question for wives to ask, too.

How can I be a better wife today?


It all comes down to some pretty basic things:

Putting someone else's needs before our own. 
Being patient. 
Extending love and understanding.
Lending a helping hand.


Later when Chuck woke up with a headache, I put aside the things I was doing to massage him with lavender. We enjoyed our time together during the morning. While he got ready for church, I loaded the car with our water bottles and camera bags. It felt good to serve him because he is so good to me.


Am I the perfect wife, or what?

No; no, I am not. Just a few hours later, I requested a stop at McDonald's to get a Diet Coke. 

Chuck and I are pretty good at listening to each other; it's the hearing each other's words that challenges us. I was born with a hearing disability, and the older we get, the less either of us hear. We are constantly asking for repeated statements. I teased Chuck that we talk at least twice as much as most couples because we have to say everything twice for understanding to take place.

Chuck didn't hear the part of my request for a trip to McDonald's; he just knew I wanted a soda, so as he drove, he was looking for the first place he could find; a gas station or whatever.


Why would I care where we go? In my pitiful defense, I mentioned McDonald's because I knew a large drink would only cost a dollar. I'm a selective tightwad. I try to save money on certain things, like Diet Coke.

When Chuck saw a Burger King, he pulled in to the drive- through. I was confused because I'd asked for McDonald's, knowing all the other joints charge so much more for drinks. He was confused because all he knew was he wanted to get me a soda as quickly as possible, and he thought he was making me happy. (Who's the demanding diva in our house?) I winced when he paid $2.37 for the large soda, and later I had to apologize for not just being grateful for my drink. He tries so hard to make my every wish come true. 

How could I have been a better wife? I could have just expressed gratitude that I had been given exactly what I asked for; the details really don't matter. By being patient with hearing deficiencies, and accepting of all tokens of love, even sodas that cost more than a dollar, I could have shown Chuck the love he deserves.



Who is working hard at being a better spouse? My sweet husband is; that's for sure. I have plenty of room for improvement. 

The next day I woke up much later, feeling out of sorts. The thought wandered through my head as I lay there, knowing Chuck was heading downstairs with another bad headache: "How can I be a better wife today?" Ugh. That question is more easily answered when I'm feeling energetic and happy. At that particular moment, I was just feeling groggy and tired, but I pushed the covers back, and headed downstairs to see how I could help. 

Chuck was on his favorite couch; his head propped up on pillows. I grabbed the bottle of lavender, and had him rest his head in my lap as I gently rubbed the lavender into his temples and across his forehead. I was tired, but how much effort does it take to apply oil to my husband's forehead? Hardly any. He encouraged me to go ice my back and rest while he made his own breakfast, and packed his lunch. 

When he left for work, I trudged back upstairs, and made a pillow fort beside me to block the rising sun from my eyes, and I pulled the blankets up under my chin. Before I fell asleep, I was aware of the lingering scent of Chuck's cologne in our room. I am so thankful for that man; I just need to be more consistent in the ways I show that.



We get a new chance every day to be a better person, spouse, parent, partner, sibling, or friend. There are so many ways we can show our love and appreciation. It is becoming so apparent to me that I could try much harder, and I intend to do just that. My husband deserves to know how much I love him every single day. Today, tomorrow, and from then on, I'm going to ask myself this question:


How can I be a better wife today?


10 comments:

  1. I appreciate this post. It isn't just for wives and husbands, but for every relationship out there. How can I be a better friend? How can I be a better employee? How can I listen AND hear? I've had to challenge myself on that question these last months.

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    1. Such good points, Crystal. Thank you. Hearing is hard; listening is harder.

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  2. I think this is great. I can't save the whole world, but I can ask myself how I can be a better friend to those in my circle of friends (including my blogging group), and how I can be a better listener of those who disagree with me (and who are so clearly wrong, lol).

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    1. Thanks for making me laugh. As the days progress, I find myself lightening up!

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  3. I think Crystal and Carolyn (and you!) are smart women. I can't say it any better than they did.

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    1. Thanks for popping in. I hope you are having a good week w/ PAs, etc.

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  4. I'm in agreement with the others - I can apply these thoughts to friendships.

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    1. I'm so glad the implication of how we can be better PEOPLE came through for you. Our friendships and other family relationships are important bonds to build.

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  5. Great post and points from others. It can definitely be applied to most relationships. Thanks for sharing and the reminder.

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    1. Thank you, Via! I realize marriage is not the only relationship that needs care and attention. I'm glad my writing has a broader application.

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