Tuesday, September 17, 2013

*The Great Pumpkin

"It's going to take me a month to take off this weight I gained over the last few days," I said aloud, after devouring the delectable Pumpkin Ginger Snap Waffles for breakfast.

Why is that the case? Why is it so easy to put on 6-8 pounds over a very short period of time, and so very difficult to lose those pounds over the next several weeks? I know weight loss is based on math: calories in minus calories out. But there should be some mandatory law of physics that includes the variable of time in the equation. If there's not a law like "If you gain five pounds in five days, you can lose five pounds in five days," there should be. I'd like to speak to whomever is in charge, please.

Seriously, about once a month, I watch the bathroom scale hit some pretty high numbers for my body. I like to speak of this tragedy as though it is something the scale does on its own, something over which I have no control. But we all know better.

In the winter, I blame all of the yummy comfort foods: chowders, hearty soups, homemade rolls, holiday goodies. In the spring, it's Cadbury Mini Eggs, deviled eggs, and Easter baskets. In the summer, it's ice cream, frozen yogurt, cookies, and vacation meals on the road. And in the blessed fall, where I find myself wallowing in the comfort foods of autumn, it's pumpkin-flavored everything! And caramel-flavored everything else. We've had pumpkin muffins, pumpkin bread, pumpkin oatmeal, and pumpkin waffles. Today I succumbed to the tempting purchase of Pumpkin Spice Marshmallows.  I don't really like marshmallows, but these are PUMPKIN ones, people!  

How often can one "indulge, just this once" without having to pay the piper? I figured last Monday morning's weigh in would be a terrible comeuppance for Ms. Pumpkin Head.  Guess what! I had only gained three pounds. Not bad, not bad at all. I can take care of that this week.  If only...

If only I hadn't kept trying every single, solitary pumpkin recipe I discovered on Pinterest. I shared the cookies, I promise. I delivered them to a couple of homes.  I probably should have delivered them to MANY houses, and only kept a few cookies at home.  Waffles don't deliver well, and the muffins, well, there were only a DOZEN.  Let's see that's two for my son, and...the rest for me!  As it turns out, THIS Monday's weigh-in was a SHOCKER. Resulting in the quotation at the top of this page.

I would love to blame my weight on a wild hormonal fluctuation, but that probably plays a very small role in what's really going on. There are plenty of people who like the same foods I do who don't consume enough of them to watch their weight roller coaster over any given month. It's time to pack up the perpetual pumpkin chuck wagon, and send it down the trail. It's going to be hard, but it has to be done. If it's true what they say, you are what you eat, I better be careful. I might turn into a very plump and orange Great Pumpkin.

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