Thursday, October 3, 2013

Ancient Chinese Secret, Huh? Master Lu Is a Good Salesman

When I walked in, I just wanted to hug Master Lu when I told him my shoulder was all better! I had taken a "stab" at ACUPUNCTURE the previous visit, and it had gone unexpectedly well. 

Master Lu was sitting at his desk and it would have been slightly awkward, though, for me to hug him, so I just thanked him profusely. He seemed pleased, if, by nodding one's head, and showing me to the treatment room, one can seem pleased.  

"Why you not come to Tai Chi?" he asked as he began inserting needles. I had wanted to; I really did, but I had forgotten until the class was half over. I reminded him that I wanted him to continue the acupuncture for appetite control and weight loss. Hey, it's worth a shot, and he doesn't charge extra for that needle by my ear.

"You need exercise."

"Like Tai Chi?" I asked.

"Yes. Tai Chi."

Of course, I do. He's a very persuasive salesman. He inserted the needles, and left me with his curt parting comment:  "Rerax."

This time I brought my iPod with me. The time creeps by at a snail's pace in there, so I thought it would be more tolerable if I listened to some of my favorite music. Maroon 5 and Tje Martin made me feel happy as I lay there staring at the faded blue carpet through the horseshoe face pillow. There were still pink tabs from used acupuncture needles on the floor. I wondered if they were the same ones I stared at last week.

I decided to try to take some pictures of the needles in my back. THAT is easier said than done, and I'm not sure he would approve of my "reraxation" technique. I took about twenty pictures with my cell phone, holding the phone up over my shoulder, trying to take pictures of my back and ear. Only five of the pictures were even slightly close to where the needles were placed.  I am just no good at selfies.

I simply wanted to show you how TINY the needles are, in case anyone thinks acupuncture is painful. I assure you; it's NOT.

In no time at all, it seemed, he turned on the light, and he started removing the needles.  

"Get up," he told me. He's not one for much conversation, until it's time to go, that is, and then the salesman in him pours it on thick.

I paid him for my visit, and then he asked if I'd thought about the product he sells in his office that promotes circulation for pain relief and healing. I'm sure I just had a dumb look on my face.  I'm not sold on it, even though he assures me, "It promising." Um, no, thanks. He explained further, "You retired. You still make money. Every month. No work. Just money. Multi-revel." Now I was certain. NO, thanks. I'm just not a pyramid scheme kind of gal.

He held up the bottle of Chinese herbs he had shown me last week for weight loss. I could feel myself weakening. I tell you; he is very persuasive for someone who is difficult to understand. I suppose I also feel some obligation to support this man who has greatly reduced my pain levels.

"How much did you say that was again?"

I don't want to even tell you how much that bottle of powdered herbs is, but I found the pricing hilarious.

"Eighty 'dorrar' twenty-five cent."  What?  Did he want to charge eighty-ONE dollars, but thought that would sound too pricey, so he tacked on the quarter to make it a LITTLE more, but not as much as $81?  Who knows?

Master Lu grabbed the front of his shirt and some of the skin under it, shook what little tummy he has with his hands, and said, "You lose ber-ry fat. Ten pounds in one month with Chinese herbs." I succumbed. I bought it. I am becoming my mother with every passing day.

Let me explain my line of reasoning. I'd already lost 3 pounds since starting acupuncture treatment. With the added benefits of six Chinese herbs I cannot identify or pronounce, I'll be simply svelte by the time the holidays are in full swing, at this rate. Then I'll just drop in after the New Year, and grab another bottle to take care of any additional poundage that results from the holiday eating frenzy. I'm a woman with a plan; what could possibly go wrong?

Don't answer that.  Let me just dwell in the possibilities for now.

P.S. Five months later, I am beginning again with my still nearly full bottle of herbal tea. It tastes like dirt, and it may not work this time, either, but I want to take advantage of anything that could help me as I attempt a thirty day sugar-free plan with my 16 year-old son. WISH ME LUCK. I'll need it. We come from a long line of sugar addicts.

P.P.S. A year later, I think I can honestly say, I only lost about three pounds using the Chinese herbs. Three pounds, and eighty-one dorrar and 25 cent.


  1. When I have had acupuncture, the "operator" (and this guy is an operator even if he is GOOD), usually twisted or twirled the needles once he got them in. But not always. Has your guy done this at all? or is this a trick of some of them? BTW, I did get relief from my leg pain.

    1. No twisting or turning. I am wondering if it's possible for them to alleviate pain in one area, and aggravate it in keep us coming back. I hate it when I become cynical. My shoulder is still doing fine...but pain has radiated out from there to other spots that used to be fine. Maybe that's just how it goes.


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