Letting Go

"Let go of it! It's MINE," screeches the little blonde-haired girl at her playmate. As they struggle for possession of the doll, muscles tense, and tempers flare. Neither wants to release her hold on the toy, declaring with her actions that she is in the right with her demands. To let go would mean defeat.

This scene plays out in the lives of many children, boys and girls, as they struggle to establish ownership of their few belongings. These childhood dramas never end well, but there are lessons that are being learned. Always lessons. 

As we get older, we no longer fight over toys, but we hold tightly to things that might be best let go: old hurts, a painful past, a waning relationship, belongings that no longer serve a purpose. Our lessons continue: knowing what is ours, and what is not; who we can trust, and who we cannot; when to let go, and when to tighten our grip; what's worth the fight, and from whom or what we need to walk away.

Learning moments are presented to us ad nauseum throughout our lives, it seems, giving us the chance to move on and progress. Letting go can be a challenge. 

Every stage of life has presented an opportunity for learning this particular lesson. Until I am able to let go with grace, I'm afraid the universe will make sure I have plenty of chances to get it right.

When I consider this "in-between" time of my life, at times I have been overwhelmed by the decisions, and the emotions of my day-to-day existence. 

After Daddy died, life became even more complicated as I had to face the realities of my marriage ending, and giving up my dog in the process. I would soon be moving back to my own little house, so the time had come to part with many of my belongings. 

As my heart grieved the loss of my dad, the end of my marriage, and the absence of my Boston Terrier, my mind had to deal with the reality of not being able to take all of the stuff I had acquired over the last few years with me. There were closets and drawers to purge, things to sell, and a house requiring repairs and renovations. There was much that had to be let go, emotionally and physically, all at once, and even breathing became difficult.

It has been challenging to not run away from the uncomfortable feelings, the sadness of all that was lost, and the fear of the unknown. Some days recently, I have literally "run away," taking off for the canyon, hiking long and hard, away from the claustrophobia-inducing, solitary life within the four walls of my living room, exposing myself to the wide open space of the outdoors, taking in great gulps of air, trying to fight down the panic rising in the back of my throat as I struggled to let go of life as I knew it.

Some of you are aware I've been a bit of a Sign-Seeker lately, searching for confirmations that I'm on the right path. Synchronicity has seen to it that the universe has been bombarding me with the message of letting go. The signs are all around me. Everywhere I turn, the message is there: let go.

I've loved many of the images from Steve Maraboli. Check out his images sometime. Amazing.

Sometimes I think, if only I were made of stronger stuff, I could have hung in there a little longer. If I weren't so weak, I could have held on tighter. And then, I found this message:

“Some of us think holding on makes us strong; but sometimes it is letting go.”  - Hermann Hesse

What do I stand to gain by realizing I'm not really in control of anything except my reactions to what is happening in my life? What if I could simply accept what is, and recognize that forcing anything is futile? I'm discovering as I come to accept the truth of my heart, that I'm braver than I ever knew. I'm stronger than I used to be. I can live with uncertainty, and can continually learn, while I'm figuring things out. These lessons never seem to come easily, or without cost.

MY OWL visited me again last night. At first, it was unsettling. Was he warning me of more changes on the horizon? Oh, I really hoped not. In reviewing what I've been learning about animal spirit guides, I was reminded that often the owl comes to those of us who need to let go of things that no longer serve us. He encourages us through the dark times so that we can move through the fear and darkness toward "light, happiness, and knowledge."

What does the future hold for us? And if that thought scares you as much as it scares me, let's just focus on today. What does this moment in time grant us? What can we learn in the discomfort of our hard times? When we let go of the past, and embrace the present, what gifts will we gain? Authenticity? Self-confidence? Courage? Love of self? Happiness? There are always hidden gifts in our trials. The secret is being able to abide the discomfort long enough to find the truth and joy available right now.

In your times of difficulty or stress, what lessons have you learned about yourself? What blessings, gifts, or truths have you discovered once you came out on the other side of your trials?