Sunday, August 25, 2013

Paula Deen and Lucy in My Kitchen

Welcome to my kitchen. It's five A.M. during another autumn's morning, and music is softly playing in the background. The house is scented with spicy candles, and Amish Friendship Bread is baking in the oven. The scene, so domestic and heart-warming.  It's like something out of a Dickens novel.

Oh, but not a half hour before! At that point, I was in the middle of a big mess, listening to the New Age music station on TV.  I was sweeping up 5 pounds of flour to a tune that sounded uncannily like Tubular Bells (that would be the theme song from The Excorcist), and I was wondering why the dough was so dry.  It didn't take long to figure out that I had forgotten to add the wet ingredients to the sour dough starter.

These are the moments I wonder WHY I ever set foot in the kitchen in the first place.  Surely, I'm not alone here.   Who hasn't forgotten to secure the lid on the Vitamix, only to see a volcano spew out of the top all over the cabinets?  Who hasn't spilled copious amounts of sticky liquids all over the counters and floor?  Who hasn't had too much liquid in the Kitchenaid and watched it slosh over the edges, only to realize you've created your personal version of The Great Flood right in your own kitchen?   Who hasn't dumped a gigantice bag of cereal all over the floor?  Who hasn't invited the dog inside to clean up said cereal?  Okay, that last one might just be me, but I'll bet I have some of you commiserating with me on a couple of kitchen catastrophes.

Modern conveniences are supposed to make life easier, but sometimes they get me in trouble.  The power of a Vitamix...the churning of the Norwalk juicer...the mixing of the Kitchenaid...all of these have lead to some terribly disgusting messes.  Sometimes an appliance doesn't even need to have a high-powered motor in it to cause problems.  Take my little Tupperware chopper, for example.

Tupperware brand products are something I've only received as gifts.  I'm too much of a tightwad to invest in something so fancy as Tupperware, but I can certainly appreciate its quality.  About 27 years ago, friends at school gave me a Tupperware bridal shower, and then a couple of years ago, my son, who is in his mother-in-law's downline as a Tupperware "consultant," gave me several wonderful items for Christmas.  My favorite thing is the big bowl (the Thatsa Mega Bowl).  I use it for my homemade roll dough.  It's the only bowl big enough for my huge recipe that calls for over 14 cups of flour.  My other little treasure is a food chopper.

Today I was using my Tupperware "Chop 'N' Prep Chef."  Have you seen one of these?  It has a pull-string mechanism similar to a lawn mower starter that spins three chopping blades inside of a clear plastic bowl.  It was doing a beautiful job of chopping a variety of vegetables for our quiche.  I was just thinking to myself how I love that little gadget, when all hell broke loose.  I picked it up by the lid and spun around to show my husband how cool of a contraption it is, when the cup fell from the lid, spewing its contents all over the wooden floor and the rug in front of the sink.

"Sometimes I hate myself in the kitchen," is what I remember saying to him, as he watched, dumbfounded from his perch at the kitchen counter.  First, I took a picture of the mess, and then I began the laborious task of picking up all of the little shreds of veggies off of the floor.

At times like these, I feel like I'm Paula Deen and "I Love Lucy," rolled into one not-so-funny and oh-so-messy episode.

This is one Oprah Winfrey show I was so glad I was able to watch.  Paula Deen was "in the house," whipping up a recipe, when she did something that endeared her to me.  Take a peek.  Within the first 45 seconds, you'll see I can totally relate to her in this situation:

Life is definitely better when you're laughing!

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