*I Don't Want to Be a Martha

Whenever I hear the story from Luke about when Jesus went to the home of Mary and her sister Martha, I always squirm with discomfort.  (Luke 10: 38-42)  I think anyone who has read the story agrees that we should all strive to be like Mary. Just recently, I have become aware of how like Martha I have always been. Like Martha, I welcome guests into my home.  That's a good thing. Like Martha, I get a little grumpy when there is so much to do to make guests feel welcome, and people like Mary sit around, enjoying the company while I slave away tidying up and preparing the food.  Um.  That's not a good thing.

I'm afraid that I identify a little too much with Martha.  If I had been there, I'd have been tossing things around in the kitchen, throwing icy glares at old Mary, sitting on her butt, talking to Jesus, while I would have been busy, busy, busy. 

Why can't I just be like Mary?  Why can't I just love the people around me, and let the details take care of themselves?  Why do I feel obliged to be like Martha?  

This morning, I realized that I can change.  My intention on this day of Thanksgiving is gratitude; for my blessings, for my family, for the opportunity to all be together.  I will invite peace into my heart, and allow others to help, while focusing on the people, not the things, for our holiday gathering. 

The house is relatively tidy; I can relax my goal for immaculate.  The worrisome bird is finally in the roaster. Whew.  I had a sleepless night over that little detail.  The sweet potatoes are ready for a little syrup and topping.  Slight assembly is all that is needed for our Pumpkin Trifle.  Everyone else is taking care of the rest.  It's time to relax and enjoy this beautiful holiday for what it is: a time to give thanks.

Yesterday I was on a roller coaster between blissful peace to frantic panic.  The morning was delightful with music and holiday lights and shopping.  The store was not overly crowded; I found everything I needed; I carefully selected some beautiful oranges to make some holiday potpourri for gifts.  Before driving home through the canyon, I treated myself to a Dirty Dr. Pepper (coconut syrup added), and I listened to XM stereo's Holly channel all the way home.  And then, just like that, my focus shifted.

Where were those oranges?  Oh, no.  I bought all of the wrong stuff for our Keurig?  Was the turkey thawing fast enough?  Our floors look streaky.  Should I set the tables now or in the morning?  I forgot to get canned yams!!!  We live over 30 miles from town.  As I crested the hill into Marysvale, Tugs convenience store came into view. I would buy their yams I had seen in the back of the store that morning.  Yes, they would be pricey.  No, I wasn't going to quibble about the money.  Yes, there would be much more prep since they were fresh.  No, I wasn't going to let that stop me.

I started to wrap the last of the presents.  Yes, our crazy family adds a little extra holiday to

Eric, in his fine Italian suit, with my friend Cindy and me. 1984

Thanksgiving by doing our gift exchange. Thanksmas, we call it.  And then I saw my mistake.  My brother Eric had asked for some warm winter socks.  I knew just where to get them.  Our local Ace hardware has a nice assortment of wool blend socks.  I had felt several pairs to find the softest ones, and I grabbed them.  Something you need to know about Eric...our family has always joked that he is our Mr. GQ, always carefully dressed. When he was a young adult, he saved very carefully from his job at Barnaby's Pizza to be able to afford his first complete Italian ensemble...from the fine leather shoes, to the fitted suit, to the shirt and tie.  He could have been a model.  My handsome brother always looked nice.

So, back to the socks.  What I had accidentally bought was DUCK COMMANDER socks.  Now, I love watching Duck Dynasty as much as the next retired school teacher, but I would NEVER buy my brother something with Uncle Si emblazoned on it, or the words HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY on the front.  So what did I do?  I bought my fashion-conscious brother two pairs of Duck Dynasty socks. Oh, well, we'll laugh about this later.  Like I said, we live quite a distance from town.  He's getting the socks.

All of the little problems were sorted out.  Bridger bought what we needed for the Keurig by running into town before coming home; I dug out the old, slightly dry Cutie tangerines to use in the potpourri, and we had a simple frozen pizza for dinner.  The three of us enjoyed some Charlie Brown holiday movies on Netflix before we all headed to bed.

Sleep is not my friend the night before holiday gatherings.  I still fret over the details.  What if the turkey isn't thawing properly?  How am I going to wrangle that 24 pound bird by myself with it covered in butter?  Why didn't I remember to bring the whipping attachment for the mixer from our other house?  So around two, I found myself re-reading recipe directions online, sipping Kava tea, hoping to return to sleep before dawn.

Now that the turkey is in the roaster, and I know that Mom is taking care of the whipped cream before she arrives, and I realize I only have about another hour of kitchen duties to take care of, my goal is to relax into the moment, and simply enjoy this day.  Soon our home will be filled with the fragrance of roasting turkey, and yummy citrus and seasonal spices. There will be laughter and teasing.  We will enjoy a delicious dinner consisting of my mom's yummy rolls, my brother's famous stuffing, and my sister's creamy mashed potatoes.  There will be dessert.  

Before we open gifts, each of us will take a turn to tell what we are grateful for.  We'll open gifts. Eric will be gracious when he opens his; you see, he's not just a classy dresser; he's just plain classy. We'll all clean up; there's never just one person doing it all, and for that I'm grateful.  I hope today we'll be a room full of Marys, enjoying each other's company and taking part in the holiday festivities.  We have a position for a Martha opening up in our family.  Any takers?

Thanksmas, THE Most Wonderful Time of the Year

There seems to be so much hoopla surrounding the holidays. Some of us can't start early enough, and some of us freak out when the retailers jump the gun three months before any given holiday hits. I, for one, believe in celebrating everything as long as possible.  

You want to listen to Christmas carols in July? Wonderful. You enjoy partying it up by noting all of the holidays in December, including Kwanzaa and Hanukkah? You overachiever, you! You like to say Happy Holidays to be inclusive? Bless your heart. You don't want to take down your Christmas tree until Easter? My hat's off to you!  

I say we don't celebrate enough. To wait until Christmas Eve, for me, would be a tragedy. It just so happens that our family's holiday traditions started evolving about 22 years ago, when Sierra was about two, and Dylan about four. 

My mom lived back east near five of my siblings. Her other three kids lived out west. To divide herself between her two camps of kids, she started celebrating Thanksgiving here with us, and Christmas there with them. And someone got the bright idea to go ahead and celebrate Christmas a little early with Mom the week she came to visit. Thus, Thanksmas was born. Thanksgiving dinner segued into Christmas tree decorating and a family gift exchange.

Sierra started to help with dinner with her green bean
casserole.

We take turns hosting the event between our homes in Utah and Idaho. The host family provides the turkey, and the rest of us have standard assignments. My brother Eric makes the best HOLIDAY STUFFING ever, Mom makes the rolls and a pie or two, Joelle, our Idaho girl, makes the creamiest mashed potatoes, I make the pies, and the last few years, my Sierra has made the green bean casserole.  

So many people seem to get worked up about taking each holiday as it comes, making certain that Halloween ends before putting up anything Thanksgiving-related, and NEVER mixing in Christmas decor until the Turkey Day festivities have been cleared away. Not us. We go full bore on Christmas during the month of November in preparation for our family's Thanksmas celebration.

I like to have my tree up before everyone arrives.  Some of us let the kiddos decorate our trees after

Dylan ALWAYS helps the littles
decorate the tree. He is Mr. Tradition
in our family.

dinner while the kitchen is being restored to order. All of the gifts are put under the tree. After we all gather in the living room, we each take turns telling what we're thankful for, going in order from youngest to oldest.  

It's kind of cheesy, and sort of predictable, but it helps us focus for a moment on something other than the gifts. It's a nice transition from Thanksgiving to Christmas. Then the passing out of the presents begins, and there is a frenzy of paper tearing and bow throwing, "thank yous," and "I love its."

My kids have always looked forward to Thanksmas more than Christmas because that is our big holiday celebration with my family. It is the only holiday out of the whole year that we celebrate with my side of the family. Holidays are about family time after all, and it is so wonderful to have everyone gathered together under one roof for that very special time. Christmas has always been low-key around here. Thanksmas is the big deal for my kids.

My children are the oldest of the cousins out west, and so our family is feeling the subtle, and not-so-subtle changes in our holiday celebrations first. 

Last year, our Sierra was living in Colorado, and could only come home for one holiday, so we thankfully saw her over Christmas. This year, Dylan and Jamie will be taking a Thanksgiving holiday with the Hansens, which is only fair. Again, Sierra has asked to be excused this Thanksmas, saying she will celebrate with us in the new year, when air travel is less expensive, and they can arrange time off of work. I have adult children now, with significant others to consider. We may see our holidays evolve further once grandchildren enter the picture, and we juggle schedules to meet the desires of in-laws.  

Over the years we have seen our celebration include newcomers, and we've had some sad goodbyes. My mom has been widowed twice since we started celebrating Christmas in November over two decades ago. As babies joined the family, our numbers grew. My big kids have brought their boyfriends or girlfriends.  As my nieces from Virginia have moved out west to go to college, they have attended if they didn't have other plans. All are welcome.

Flexibility is the name of the game when it comes to family and holidays. That's how we ended up with Thanksmas. I have the fondest memories of those gatherings. Combining our holidays of Thanksgiving with Christmas gives us the best of both worlds. I have a feeling we'll be seeing new traditions develop, and old traditions will be tweaked to accommodate our ever-changing family.

These pictures are in no particular order, and may or may not include everyone who has attended our holiday celebration.  I just wanted to post a few of my favorites that show the camaraderie of the cousins, the silliness, and the warm family feelings. Thanksmas is truly my most favorite holiday of all.

Shrink and her boys.  Both of my boys call me Shrink. 

Those smiles light up the room.

Our family smile; must be genetic.  The sense of humor sure is!

Rudolph noses...Bubba teef...there's always room for silliness.

One of our favorite dogs, enjoying a quiet moment before the festivities begin.

I'm being nice, and not posting all of the pictures of everyone in their tryptophan-induced slumber.
Here are two of my nieces.  Everyone gets pretty cozy when all of us gather.

There's always laughter.  Lots of laughter.

Rowan is too big for my brother Eric's lap, and will soon be driving a car. 

Kalvin is a big boy now.

The girlies are always sharing chairs.

We encourage outside play for the littles to help with the agony of waiting to open presents.

Many hands make light work. Cris and Sisi are keeping an eye on things.

This little family travels 7 hours to join us in Utah from Idaho!

So grateful these days for any celebration that includes this big guy, my oldest.

Laughter is good.

These two are always up to silliness.

My mom is always good to involve the youngsters.

My sister and niece.

*A Whole Month of Gratitude

I love November.  Maybe it's because it's my birth month, and I feel so special all month long, but I do love November.  One thing I have looked forward to on Facebook is others' gratitude posts that occur during this time of year.  We all have so much for which to be thankful, and it seems a shame to only do it one month.

I could do it all year long.  I kind of do.  Sometimes I think it drives some people crazy.  I ooh and aah over every little delight.  

German chocolate thins, a gift from a new friend.

A nibble of chocolate.  The heat from my electric blanket as it radiates across the bed. A gentle rain on a metal roof. 

Pleasure can be derived from the most minute of details. Lichen on a rock.  A shared smile with a stranger.  The way a cloud is positioned in the sky.  Dew on a blade of grass. Hiking in the mountains or in the desert with the kids.

It's not always easy to be grateful.  Some days it would be easy to let pain dominate the day, or give in to a lingering mood.  There will always be challenges and setbacks, but if we allow ourselves to settle in to the moment, we will uncover the hidden gifts waiting to be found.

This month I plan to state the obvious (each and every loved one), and dig deep to find the little things that make my life feel like one big blessing. "Thirty days hath September, April, June, and November..." and this month, I plan to share my gratitude publicly every single day.  I hope you'll join me.