Missing My Baby Bird

Not many people give birth to their best friend. Not their BFF.  I make that declaration with relative confidence because about half of the people in the universe are male and can't have babies, so that increases the chances of my introductory statement being accurate and true. I am one of the lucky ones; my daughter is my best friend.  

October is quickly approaching. It has to be one of my favorite months.  Fall is in full swing, leaves are changing colors and floating to the ground, the air is cooler, and two of my babies were born in October.  October 27, 1989, the most beautiful baby girl came into this world, and she was my very own.

Long story short; the baby girl grew up to become a beautiful woman, and she flew the coop; flew all the way to Denver.  I'm so happy for her.  Sierra has what it takes to make it on her own.  Since she has left home, she has signed apartment contracts, bought a car by herself, secured gainful employment with a wonderful dermatologist, and made many new friends.  I admire her attitude and persistence from a distance.  And darn it, I miss her.

When she calls me, I hear it in her voice.  She misses home, and she misses me.  There's a faint glimmer deep inside of me that always wishes some day she will miss us all so much she will come back to stay.  But she won't.  How can I know this?  I was the baby bird who flew away from my nest once upon a time.  

As much as my heart ached for home and family, I had a new home.  Virginia was the land of my childhood; Utah became the land of my choosing.  Once I made that choice, and had children of my own in this glorious desert, I knew I would never leave here.  Did it mean I loved my family less?  No, if anything, I loved them even more across the miles.  

So now I not only have to comfort the heartache of missing my parents, brothers, and sisters, but the even greater pain of missing my baby girl.  I cherish the pleasant memories of the times we've had together.  I relish the text messages, phone calls, and Facebook updates.  I take heart in knowing her absence does not represent a lack of devotion or love.  I am proud that I had a part in raising a child independent enough to stand on her own, to make a life for herself without my needing to be the "mother hen."

Sierra, if you are reading this, Mama Llama loves her Schmierra Pierre. You bring so much light and joy to everyone you know.  I am so happy for you, my sweet baby bird.  Even though you've grown and spread your wings, you will always be my baby girl.  I love you, and even though I miss you so much it hurts, I wouldn't change a thing. 

Wherever You Are, Be There...An Open Letter to the Mamas

First day of school for three of us...another day of work at UDOT for Dylan.

Dear Working Mama,

If you have never felt exhausted, confused, or hopeless, may God continue to bless you. If like most of us who have mothered little ones, you have longed for adult conversation, or having an uninterrupted phone conversation, or an uncluttered home, we can commiserate together. Whether you are working outside of your home, or working within the four walls of your house, no one will debate that you ARE a working mother. The two words go together. Those of us who have been there know the battle that takes place in your head every day. You wish there were two of you.  You work so hard, and you want to be the best mother you can be.

This letter originally was written to the young teachers at our school who have young children at home. I believe there is something here for all of us as mothers, no matter the particulars of our circumstances.  

First of all, know that you are not alone. Many before you have attempted, and many after you will attempt, to do the seemingly impossible. Balancing your life at work, and your life at home may seem to be too much at times. Take a deep breath. You can do this.

I would like to share my secret for surviving this busy time of your life. There was a little mantra that helped me endure the craziest time of my life. I had a 9 year old, a 7 year old, and a little one on the way. I was just trying to survive teaching first graders all day long, and attend classes for my master's degree at night and on the weekends, and somehow meet the needs of my small family. I said this over and over to myself during that time: WHEREVER YOU ARE, BE THERE. 

Made by Justine Childs, Vintage Hearts
Now in Eau Claire, Wisconsin

A friend of mine made this stitched quote for me. I kept it in my kitchen where I would see it frequently. During times when my mind was fretting about school at home, it helped me focus. When I was at school, and my mind would worry about things undone at home, that quote would come back to me, and I would return to the present moment.  

It helps, it really does. How else can you be a good mom, good wife, and a good teacher? It won't do at all to fret about school while you're rocking that precious baby, or wishing your children wouldn't take so long to get to sleep so you can spend some precious adult time with your husband, or worrying about your own kids while you're in front of a classroom full of students. 

"Wherever you are, BE there."

When your littles are tucked in bed, totally be the wife. When you go to work, totally be the teacher. Immerse yourself in that classroom, trusting your carefully chosen daycare provider, and your children's teachers to take care of your own children. When you are at home, totally be the mom. Don't even THINK about checking papers or making phone calls to your students' parents. Lock your school door at the end of the day and be done with it. Go home, be the mama, and love those little babies like only you can. 

You are an amazing woman, and probably don't need to hear my little sermon...but I promise, saying WHEREVER YOU ARE, BE THERE, and living in the moment was my only lifeline to sanity some days. It won't be easy, and some days will be harder than others, but you are strong. You can do this.

From a Mama Who's Been There

The stitched piece is right behind me on the shelf.  "Wherever you are, be there."  Living in the now
allows us to focus our positive energy in whatever situation we find ourselves.