In my mind's eye, I see a silhouette of a young boy playing a violin on a roof top as the sun goes down. Fiddler on the Roof scenes are going through my mind, with some editorial changes.
When I think of Tevia singing "TRADITION," I picture my mother and me, dancing around wildly, eating chocolates while holding our hands in the air, celebrating our own little history with chocolate.
"Sunrise...Sunset..." All day long, from the sun's coming up until its going down, I have been thinking about sweet treats. My fascination had been compounded by my going without desserts and soda for over two weeks.
Fifteen days I went without sugar, which may be a record, in and of itself, for me. I set aside my goal for one day to partake of the famous Sunglow Pies of Bicknell, which, believe it or not, was on my bucket list. Then I went one more day without sugar, but it was a little harder. Again.
Then I caved. I succumbed. I gave in to temptation. Enter: Cadbury Mini Eggs.
While shopping for curtain rods and kitchen rugs for my little cottage, I couldn't help but notice the Easter candy prominently displayed throughout the store.
"I better buy some for Bridger and me before they sell out of our favorite candy," I thought to myself. I'm a very logical person when it comes to seasonal candy. Mm-hmm. This was no impulse purchase. My intent was to take the Cadbury chocolates home, put them away, and later, ceremoniously consume an entire bag by myself Easter morning. The best-laid plans...
My first mistake was leaving the bags of candy on the counter as I puttered around the house yesterday. The second mistake was posting the picture of the candy on Facebook. Friends teased and cajoled, placing bets as to how long the mini eggs would last now that they were in my house.
I put the bags of candy in the kitchen cupboard to remove the "eye candy." (I crack myself up sometimes.)
My third week of sugar-free eating was already blemished with the half a piece of pie I'd consumed Monday. My old mindset returned. "You've already blown it. You were never going to last very long without sugar anyway. Why don't you just be a normal person for once, and eat food in moderation? A whole month without sugar? Who are you kidding? Are you going to start over again today since you blew it Monday?" The berating continued.
I took the Cadbury bag out of the cabinet, and with my teeth, tore off a corner of the bag. I popped one of the sugar-candy coated pieces of chocolate into my mouth, and bit through the crisp outer shell. The chocolate began to melt on my tongue as I crunched on the small egg-shaped morsel. I filled a small bowl with one serving of mini eggs, not counting the one I'd just devoured. That was an appetizer.
Twelve small eggs does not look like very much. 190 calories of chocolate temptation, carefully counted out, the colors divided evenly to satisfy my artistic and mathematical preferences.
Once I began to take the candies from the dish, the savoring ended abruptly. I made the mistake of eating the eggs while browsing through Facebook. Before I knew it, they were gone. WHAT? How can that be?
I returned to the cabinet, and poured out a small handful, and ate them, too.
This is the reason I started the whole sugar-free shenanigans in the first place. Once I start eating a trigger food, my mind reverts to auto-pilot, and no thinking is involved; just eating. I will consume whatever it is until it is gone, or I feel sick, whichever comes first.
On my refrigerator, I have this reminder on a Post-It note:
Yes, I know, it's an odd assortment of words. The lack of parallelism bothers me, too. A verb, a couple of nouns, and a Yiddish phrase all mixed up, but it makes sense to me. I know that for me to be mindful, I need to focus on my breath, I need to be grateful for what I have, and I need to be do things for my health. L'chaim is my little toast to my health and well-being. It makes me smile. I fancy myself to be one of Tevia's daughters from Fiddler on the Roof, truth be told.
So what did I do? I ignored my bright orange reminder on the fridge. Oh, I saw it. I can't help but see it when I open that cabinet door that held the stash of Cadbury eggs. I wasn't mindful of anything except the candy. My breathing was probably quite shallow in anticipation of the gastronomical feast about to take place, and while I was tickled pink about having my favorite candy in the house, I was not mindfully grateful for its presence. L'chaim was the last thing on my mind in that moment of time. "CHOCOLATE" was all that was on my mind right then.
Today, I resolve to do better. The bag of candy is open, but the tummy ache that followed that little party in my mouth will help me stay out of it today. That, and the fact that I am making a promise to you that I'm not going to eat any more Cadbury eggs today. I promise.