Edith Bunker Is My Soul Sister

No sooner had the little Honda motor bike been loaded in my Highlander, when I was overtaken by fumes coming from the bike's engine. The smell was so strong, it would be like transporting an oil refinery in my vehicle. I could barely breathe. Although it was hot as blazes, I rolled down all of the windows, and turned on the air-conditioning full blast. I was beginning to question my own sanity at this point. Hauling this load of toxic fumes in my car could not be good for me or my lungs. My head began to hurt. Why had I agreed to this???

This would be another of my shining moments, another jewel in my crown that would provide ammo for a husband who likes to tease me about being like Edith Bunker. I admit that I can be gullible, and I seriously ask questions that make him ask me, "REALLY?" But I think one of my bigger faults is not asking ENOUGH of the RIGHT questions. I could save myself a lot of heart ache and misery by asking more questions.                                                                                                           The things a mother will do for a son. My oldest child is a bargain shopper. He is constantly scanning Craigslist and the classifieds for killer deals. Occasionally, I am lured into helping him obtain these items because our home is in the northern end of the state and his is in the southern end. A good deal is a good deal, if logistics can be managed.

Dylan had purchased this motor bike. A miniature Honda thing, a Honda 50, I believe. My son is over six feet tall. After teasing him about looking like a clown in the circus if he were to ride that thing, and questioning his sanity, I finally agreed that I would drive out into the middle of nowhere (Tooele, Utah) to pick up his latest toy. After I drove back out onto the freeway, I knew I needed some advice.

Thank heavens for cell phones. I asked my husband what he would recommend to reduce the strong smell in my car.  

"You need to seal off the engine. Stop at a grocery store and buy some Cling-Free." How strange, I thought.  Cling-Free?  Who would've thought? Wrapping the engine in fabric softener sheets just might make the car smell better, too!

Not one to question, just one of my many shortcomings, I made a bee-line for the nearest store. They didn't sell Cling-Free. I went to another store. They didn't sell Cling-Free. Maybe Cling-Free was a thing of the past. Being a resourceful woman, I determined that any fabric softener sheet would probably work, and being a thrifty woman, I bought the generic brand of sheets. I wondered how in the world I would be able to make them "stick" to the engine.  So I also bought some garbage bags (how clever, maybe it would hold the nasty stink in, too) AND some tape to wrap everything around the reeking engine, and some aspirin for my pounding head.

Ha! It kind of helped. It was definitely better; that's for sure. I drove for the next three hours with that foul-smelling motor bike in the back of my SUV, wishing I hadn't ever agreed to take it back to the big boy. There was a battle of odors going on in the back of my vehicle, but thankfully, I was catching nice wafts of fabric softener in between the assaults of gasoline and oil odors.

My husband called later that evening to see how things had gone. "I was so grateful for your suggestion.  At first, I wasn't sure about the fabric softener sheets, but by wrapping them in garbage bags, it lessened the smell considerably."

"Fabric softener sheets?" he questioned. "Why did you buy THOSE?"

"Didn't you say to get Cling-Free?"  He was dumbfounded.  

"Yeah. Cling-Free. You know the plastic wrap you put on leftovers?  THAT Cling-Free!  That's what I meant."

"OHHHHHH.  CLING WRAP!!!"  I laughed. "Why didn't you say so? That would've worked really well, I bet!"  

He continued to tease me about my dorky tendencies. I'm his Edith Bunker, he says. Well, I think he's my Archie. As I recall, Archie had some confusion with certain vocabulary, too. Being too specific in word usage with a word geek can backfire. We assume you know your stuff, the more specific you are. I know exactly what Cling-Free is. I also know what Cling Wrap is. It is just unfortunate I did not clarify our terminology before taking that fateful three hour ride which may or may not have killed off some of my much-needed brain cells. This Edith may need them in the future to decipher more advice from my dear Archie. ;-)

Summer Reading 2013

Summer reading for me began with The Shack by William Young. Excellent book to get in touch with your spirit. Currently reading The Elegance of the Hedgehog by Muriel Barbery. Do you ever browse Barnes and Noble and just take a book from the bargain shelf and hope for the best? This is that book for me. I would like to thank Ms. Barbery for making me THINK. I was never able to get through Anna Karenina, but thanks to her literary references, I feel like I can appreciate some of it at least.

Next on the list: catching up on my Jen Lancaster. She's written a couple of books since I read Bitter Is the New Black and Bright Lights/Big A$$. Love her for making me laugh. Will check out more by Paolo Coelho. Kimberly Keisel gave me The Alchemist and I have been enamored ever since. LOVED 11 Minutes (a tale of a prostitute, and yet surprisingly, or maybe not surprisingly at all, considering Coelho's works, it's not a story of prostitution, but of seeking for love and acceptance, and who doesn't want that? I also loved Veronika Chooses to Die. Again, not a book about suicide, although it sounds like it, but a book about choosing to live life to its fullest. I enjoyed The Manuscript Found in Accra, as well, but not as much as his earlier ones. It seemed a little too much like a Chicken Soup for the Soul book to me. I'm not explaining myself very well. It just had a different feeling for me than his others that are my favorites.


Currently, I am reading Aleph by Paolo Coelho.  It is proving to be a good escape for me during a hectic week of scheduled family events.

Loving this time to read. This summer I had planned to experiment with tablet reading. I'm not drawn to e-readers like a hefty little paperback, but I feel that I at least need to give them a try. 

I love a good lead to a good read.  If you have favorites you don't mind taking the time to list, please do!

The Timer Game (OR... How to Cajole Someone (like me) into Getting Things Done)

As a wife, I feel like I bring a lot to the table. Positive attitude, baking skills, cooking ability, open-minded, active, and I LOVE doing the laundry...well, I could go on, but I will spare you. 

One area where I have serious deficiencies is deep-cleaning. I can keep things tidy...but, well, this will tell a lot. 

Mark and I had been together about 3 years, and I had to ask him where the broom was when I broke a glass. Yeah, so I don't do floors or windows (and too many other things to mention.) Mark, on the other hand, balances me out. He is GREAT at organizing rooms and closets, AND cleaning floors and windows.

I suffer from attention deficit whenever anything unpleasant is involved.  Scrubbing toilets, purging closets, mopping floors, faculty meetings; these things make it difficult for me to focus on the task at hand.  I become a procrastinator extraordinaire when it comes to housework.  It seems that a minimal amount of cleaning and organizing is required if I'm going to enjoy being home. Sometimes it seems as if I'm trying to see just how MINIMAL that effort can be, and still get away with it!  

When I was little, my mom often challenged me to make things fun by turning them into a game.  When I became a mom, the only one there to say those crazy kinds of things to me was myself, so I had to get creative when I felt whiny about doing chores.  I had to find a way to reward myself for doing things that simply had to be done. I had long since outgrown the sticker chore chart. And since paying myself is a ridiculous idea; where would I get the money, I needed a different motivator?  And if there were money available to pay someone to clean, wouldn't I have a maid already?  What's a mom to do?

Enter: The Timer Game. (You may even want to try this with your children or grandchildren...or maybe even spouses who have a childish attitude toward cleaning.) 

First, make a list of all of the annoying, aggravating chores you have been procrastinating forever.  (For me, it's balancing the checkbook, wiping the kitchen grime off of appliances, disinfecting the toilets...)  THEN, make a list of delightful things that would bring you joy, no matter how small.  (Sometimes it's reading my Oprah magazine, soaking in the hot tub, painting my toenails...other times it's sitting in my recliner and not doing one single solitary thing for just a bit.)  And THEN...Set the timer, say for 15 minutes, and go like gang-busters on whatever needs to be done. When the timer goes off, enjoy yourself for awhile and then set the timer again. Repeat as often as necessary. Or until you've had enough. 

I am currently experiencing saturation with the "game." I reward myself with computer time on Facebook and Pinterest or smart phone time, texting my kids and Mark. It works for me.

You know that black flappy thing in the sink that is over the garbage disposal and those overflow holes in the bathroom sinks? I even managed to clean those today. Whew...the one thing I have procrastinated is balancing my checkbook. I will get it done, but I just hate doing that.

As a teacher with a classroom full of 35 students, I've set the timer for two minutes at school.  That doesn't sound like any time at all, but look at the MAN HOURS!!!  A class full of kids can do in two minutes what it would take me over an hour to do!  By turning it in to a game, I can usually convince most of them to pitch in to help, especially if they get to go to recess a minute earlier by helping!

Just thought I'd share my idea. Most of you are probably horrified at my confession...my mother is not surprised. I have a long history of hating chores; but I did them. Eventually.

Surrender to the Moment

In the moments that I stood outside in the chill of the winter's morning air, I forced myself to breathe deeply, and surrender to the moment: the cold, the dark, the silence, the contrast of the stars against the black blanket of sky. The wisp of a moon cast a soft glow behind the silhouette of limbs. There was not a rustle of leaves; there was no city's glow. Just the stars and I were witnesses to the waning night. The faint beginning of a new day was erasing the blackness overhead, loosening its grip on the night.

How I love the early morning, and the subtlety of the changes, barely perceptible to my senses so accustomed to the blatant barrage of sights and sounds throughout the day.

Be still in the silence. Listen to the quiet, and notice the nothingness of the night. Allow yourself to experience this apparent emptiness until it starts to expand your spirit, and you become aware of the fullness and richness it brings into your spirit. Sweet, precious night evolving into the dawning of another blessed morning. Namaste, indeed.

(January 12, 2013)

The Dog Days of Denver!

While we've been visiting "the kids," as I affectionately call my daughter and her boyfriend, we have enjoyed getting to know the Denver area better.  The kids actually live in Lakewood, within walking distance of Whole Foods, the mall,  high-end stores like Neiman-Marcus, boutiques, art galleries, and the farmers' market.

One thing I've noticed is THE DOGS.  Dogs are a big presence here. People take them everywhere.  I've seen them tied up to trees or bike racks outside of shops.  They are at outside cafés, riding in cars, and walking on leashes.  Many of the shops have large bowls of water outside on the sidewalk.

When we parked our cars back at the house, Sierra squealed, "There's a GREAT DANE there!"  A mere half block away from the apartment, there was a pet adoption taking place at the farmers' market.  Jason and Sierra have been looking for a young Great Dane to adopt, and we had just missed the pretty female that had found a new home. Life Is Better Rescue had several dogs and a large book mobile-looking vehicle filled with kittens in cages.

I fell in love with this handsome Mastiff/Boxer mix.  Harrison is 8 years old and very calm.  He was so sweet, accepting the petting and compliments from everyone who noticed him.  I texted Mark his picture and asked, "Honey, if he follows me home, can we keep him?"  Mark's phone was dying, and I didn't get a response until later that night.  I continued, "He could sit on Bridger's lap on the way home."

Mark's delayed response? "No, not really."

"Too late!"  I shot back.  "You will love him!"

Wouldn't that be so much fun? To do some spontaneous, random thing like that?  Sometimes my sensible nature bores me to tears.  I do believe I have some attention deficit problems, but never to the point that I act without considering the consequences of my actions.  My Jiminy Cricket works overtime, always warning me to think twice.  I had already seen into my future with Harrison, loving his big, old dog self, but having to contend with kenneling issues with TWO dogs, the dog food expense of TWO dogs, and the veterinary bills of TWO dogs. I had forced myself to walk away from him, but I kept glancing back until we made the turn down the block back to the house.

The kids had some obligations to dog-sit for the weekend, which came with the added bonus of staying in the dog owner's lovely home in Denver.  The guest room accommodations were five-star, and I slept beautifully.  Jason took care of the lawn and fixed a few things for the homeowner while we were visiting. We enjoyed our time together in such a relaxing setting.

Sharing the home with a German Shepherd and three Yorkshire Terriers was just an added bonus for all of us dog lovers.  Hudson was a gentle giant who loved sleeping at our feet.  Jason told us that when he is with his owner and outside of the home, Hudson is extremely protective and can be very fierce.  That was hard to believe when I watched him tenderly nudge one of the Yorkies with his nose and give him a soft lick.








Bridger slept in piles of puppies on the couch and had Hudson on the floor beside him.  The dogs seemed to gravitate to wherever Bridger was.  He's a dog's man; that's for sure.  Dogs can sense how much he enjoys their company and respond so well to him.

The Yorkies were fun to watch.  I could never keep them straight by name, but the kids had them all figured out from the start.  They were too similar in size and color...and I was only going to see them for two days; it just wasn't worth it for me to try to get them right.  "Puppy!" worked great for me.

Denver has become Sierra's home.  I miss her fiercely now that she has moved away, but I get it.  I moved 2,300 miles away from Virginia when I had the chance to go to college and strike out on my own.  I've never regretted moving to Utah, but a part of me will always call Virginia home.  My dreams of my daughter moving back are fading.  Now she has dreams of her own.  She will be a Daughter of Denver for a few more years, then we'll see how long it takes for her to respond to the siren song of San Diego.  Who can blame her for not falling under the spell of that beautiful seaside city?

We have enjoyed every minute in Lakewood and Denver.  Visiting her here more often is a happy
thought for me.  Our next trip out will be in October to celebrate her birthday and let Mark go to a Broncos' game.  I cannot wait.  Maybe we can fly Marley out with us, too.  He would love being here.  It's such a dog-friendly place, we'll have to check into that.  It's time for me to get packed and ready to go.  That's always the tough part; saying goodbye.  Knowing we already have plans in place for the fall will make it a little easier.  Goodbye, Sierra and Jason.  Goodbye, Dogs of Denver.  Hello, Marley of Utah.  We'll be home soon, little Boston!

Chia Seeds: They're Not Just for Chia Pets Any More!

When we arrived in Denver Friday afternoon, one of the first things we did was go to Whole Foods.  I. LOVE. WHOLE. FOODS.  I love the concept.  I love the variety.  I love the people.  I love not having to wait to eat my groceries.  Yes, I'm a foodie.  As long as the term does not imply that I am a gourmet.  In high school French class it became obvious that the proper term for what I am is a GOURMAND (appreciates all things food, so to speak.  A person who enjoys eating and often eats too much) vs.  a GOURMET (a connoisseur, with a DISCERNING palate).  Oops!  Just looked it up.

foodie  

Web definitions epicure: a person devoted to refined sensuous enjoyment (especially good food and drink). I'm all about the devotion to sensuous enjoyment, but am not sure I am REFINED, in any sense of the word.   ANYWAY, on our first trip to Whole Foods, we picked up some dinner and consumed it right there in the store, at the little tables set up just for that purpose.  I also bought some CHIA SEEDS.  I'd been wanting to try them in a pudding recipe I'd seen.  Remember Chia Pets?  Same seeds, different concept. I remembered the recipe slightly differently than it was posted and so this is what I did, even though the recipes I looked at later call for coconut milk. Chia Seed Pudding 1/2 c. chia seeds 2 c. almond milk (add more the next day if it's too thick) SOAK OVERNIGHT. Or two days, as the case may be. Add 1/2 t. vanilla, a couple of dashes of cinnamon, and a packet of stevia to sweeten it.  VOILÁ!  Was that simple or what? Chia pudding. We're trying to find ways to describe it...it is the color of puce/concrete/gruel. It is pudding-like in consistency with chia seeds adding "textural interest." Jason and I like it; Sierra is put off by the look and feel; Bridger refuses to try it. Why chia seeds? They're considered a super food, offering protein, fiber, and omega-3s. I do like the pudding! Perhaps I should have read all of the nutritional info BEFORE I tried it.  I wasn't aware there are about 10 grams of fiber in a little serving of pudding. That's a lot of fiber!  Hmmm. Poor kids. This may be an uncomfortable evening for more than just those of us who tried it. As we left Whole Foods today, after our third or fourth meal there in two days, I was admiring our cashier.  He was tall and handsome and epitomized all things Denver to me.  He had pulled his dreadlocks into a swirl behind his head and he had on a vintage-styled t-shirt featuring a multi-armed image of the Hindu faith.  He went on break while we were eating outside on the patio and I smiled to see his carrying a a bottled green juice and an apple. He munched his apple while checking out his smart phone.  I SO wanted to take his picture, but I haven't gotten quite that daring yet.  Yes, my sense of daring at this stage of life is limited to consuming large amounts of fiber which may be inadvisable for an out-of-town guest visiting a daughter and boyfriend in a small one bedroom apartment.

The Amazing Power of Forgiveness

Mend a hurt; heal a heart. You may never understand the far-reaching effects of your apology, your forgiveness or your love for someone in your life. Rebuild the bridge, tear down the walls, and let go of your pain. Allow love to replace your negative feelings. It takes a big person to walk back through a door that has been closed for a long time. How do I know so much? Someone I love did this for me today. I feel whole again. And I love you more than you know. You know who you are. Thank you for loving me enough to let me know you still care. Love is such a powerful source of good...we don't know how much until we try. Take the leap of faith. You will be rewarded in the end.

*SURPRISE!!! This Day Couldn't Get Here Soon Enough

Who doesn't love a good surprise? Especially if it's something you've been wanting for awhile. Orchestrating a surprise is great fun for me. Keeping it a secret is absolute torture!!! Today a surprise is going to take place. That I have been able to keep it a secret for over a week is nothing short of a miracle.

I have three children, Dylan, 26, Sierra, almost 24, and Bridger, almost 16.  As you can see, Bridger is the definite caboose of this little tribe.  The poor thing is being raised as an only child since the other two left home in search of their fame and fortune.  (Well, for their first apartments and jobs, at least!)  Bridger idolizes his brother and sister.  He cannot get enough of them.  The big kids adore him, too.  It's like a Mutual Adoration Society Meeting whenever they get together. 

When Dylan and Sierra ended up in Saint George, Utah, they were only about two and a half hours away. Then a couple of Christmases ago, Sierra announced she was moving to Colorado.  

"I guess now's as good a time as any to tell you something."  Yeah.  Or not...

"Way to go ruining our Christmas, Sierra," Dylan told her.  "You'll have Mom crying all night. Opening presents should be really fun now."  He did say it in a good-natured, teasing sort of way, but it was more than slightly true. I found myself wiping my eyes for days.

ANYWAY...Sierra lives far from home now; ten hours by car, an hour and fifteen minutes by plane.  The opportunities to have all of my children together are the most precious thing to me ever, because they are so rare and special.  Today, I will get to be with two of them at once.  And one of them doesn't even know yet!!! Bridger is sleeping soundly in his bed, completely unaware of how special this day is going to be.

Sierra and I have been planning this since last week.  "Keep it a secret," she begged.  "Tell him you're taking him up north," she suggested.  I wouldn't LIE, but I didn't want to give it away.  

So all week long I have been talking about "when we go up north."  

"When we go up north, be sure to pack your swimsuit and nice clothes in case we use the hot tub or go to museums while we're in 'THE CITY.'" Notice I did NOT specify WHICH city.  Notice I never SAID we were going up north to any specific location.  Such a good non-liar, I am.  We WILL be going north, but then we'll take a sharp right and head EAST.  I'm just leaving that part out for now. I think I'm pretty good at this secret agent stuff.  Maybe I could moonlight with the CIA now that I'm retired. I'm sure someone there would appreciate my SKILLS at utilizing misleading information to throw someone off the scent, so to speak.

Wish me luck.  My plan is to load the car just like we would if we were heading to our house up north for the weekend.  Bridger is exhausted; he had a big day at Seven Peaks Water Park yesterday with his good friend Kyler, so I know he's going to want to sleep. He'll have PLENTY of time for THAT.  When he finally wakes up, it will take him a moment, but he will realize we're not on I-15 toward Salt Lake City.  He will smile the rest of the day.  What a great plan.  I am so happy.

I could only be happier if Dylan and his wife Jamie were joining Sierra and Bridger, too.  When my kids get together, it is a love-fest for me. They laugh; they tease; they tell jokes and stories; they give me a hard time, teasing me in a fun way.  It makes me so proud to be a mom when I watch them interact with so much respect and love and fun. They are such good people who are such good friends.

Let this day begin. The anticipation and suspense is about to make me BURST!!!  This is better than Christmas. It's especially better than a Christmas with some crummy announcement about Sierra's moving away. ;-) It's MUCH better than THAT. It's going to be a great day.

Marysvale: Up Close and Natural

Rustic, Rural, and Real...

That's Marysvale!

Welcome to Marysvale.  See that green roof just beyond the yellow flowers in the distance?  It is our privilege to call that house our home.  Marysvale is a sleepy little town nestled at the mouth of Bullion Canyon.  I love the dark night sky here that doesn't compete with neon or city lights.  I love the pastoral scenes, and the good people.  I love the sagebrush, flowers, trees, and even the weeds.  I love the deer, the turkeys, the rabbits, the fox, and the owl that visit our home.

This old building is my ONE MILE turnaround spot.

Today, I just want to share some of the pictures I have captured trying to "live in the moment" here.  You may laugh at my weeds and "my" shack, but it's all good.  This place feels like home to me, even the wild, unkempt parts.  Every season captivates me.  I love the sunshine, the rain, the snow, the fog, the sunsets, and the sunrises.  Everything feels so fresh and clean here.  It is a good life.  A good life indeed.

(The pictures are in no particular order, and
some of the captions were written when the
pictures were taken.)

Several metal crafters live nearby.
Margaret, this one's for you!

Even the weeds capture my curiosity.

How can you not fall in love with this place?

"Grandma" lives on my friend Pam's porch.  She seemed quite perturbed
when I interrupted her nap to take her picture.

Wish I could identify all of the flora and fauna.  Queen
Anne's Lace?

Hiking to Bullion Falls is a favorite activity.

My goal is to capture the beauty of the Rocky
Mountain Bluebird.  This picture fails at that miserably.

When the fog settles over our mountain like a soft, white, winter shawl, I'm glad to be indoors, enjoying the view where it's warm.

It's not the Blue Ridge Mountains of Virginia, but it has a beauty of its own.

The remnants of yesterday's raindrops are dripping off the eaves The sun slips in and out of the clouds as the thick fog that had settled over the valley floor and wrapped around the base of the mountains slowly rises toward the light blue sky. The trees have the open pasture surrounded in a halo of golden leaves. If only autumn could linger in the canyon a little longer.

Quaking aspens...the gold mines may lie empty and dormant, but Bullion Canyon is still full of gold in the fall.

Happy Fall, y'all! Everything I love is here...the golden aspens, the reddening Rocky Mountain maples, the cool mornings, the perfect days. I look forward to wearing sweaters with my jeans, sitting on the deck in the predawn hour, listening to the aspens flutter in the breeze, and taking pictures of all that makes me happy. Of all the seasons, I fall in love the hardest for fall.

When our owl came back, it felt like a blessing from nature that all was right with the world.

Tracking Progress...You Got an App for That?

Can technology give us too much of a good thing? When it comes to apps for fitness and nutrition, I think we can become obsessive about all of the data, and lose sight of some of the more important things, especially our quality of life. 

A few years ago, I was tracking my eating with the Lose It! app, and my walking/hiking with Runkeeper. My experience may not reflect that of others, but I think it's worth mentioning. I really believe sometimes we let technology control us, instead of controlling the technology to suit us. 

July 2013

For the last year, I have played around with the Lose It! app on my smartphone. With it, I can record all of my eating and my exercise, and yes, my weight.  I tend to obsess when I'm in LOSING mode, and this feeds my obsession. There is a calming effect for me that comes from keeping track of everything. It lets me feel as if I'm in control of something, when perhaps everything else in my life seems to be spiraling out of control. It is pretty effective, and just like almost any diet plan out there, it works when I do.  ;-) The caloric expenditure is determined by my weight and duration of exercise. The geek in me wanted something MORE. Enter: the Runkeeper app.

My favorite things about Runkeeper are that it records my routes, the elevation climbed, minutes per mile, and the option of hearing the "trainer's" voice tell me how fast I have walked/hiked the previous five minutes of the workout. The voice lets me celebrate little victories, or pushes me to work a little harder. It even sends friendly reminders to work out if I haven't done so for a day or two, "You thought today would be a good day to work out." The Lose It app helps me track my food intake, and the Runkeeper app allows me to stay motivated with my workouts.

Lately, I haven't used either one. I found that I was losing sight of the BIG PICTURE by getting bogged down in the details. The proverbial problem of not being able to see the forest for the trees was becoming an issue for me. 

Rather than living my life, enjoying my eating, and immersing myself in this beautiful world during my walks, I was focusing on the numbers:  the calories, the minutes, the miles, the pounds. I am practically glued to my phone anyway with Facebook and Pinterest. Adding my eating and workout apps to my social networking and hobbies was consuming me, electronically speaking.

I realized that when I was walking my little Boston Terrier, I would fret if his pit stops were taking too long. "Hurry UP, Marley!" I would hiss. I was trying to shave my time down to a fifteen minute mile, and we didn't have time for him to water every single piece of foliage in the canyon.

When I was with a walking partner, if I realized I wasn't going to make my goal of hiking less than a 20 minute mile, I would start walking faster and then double-back to where they were, and then take off down the road again, to make up for "lost time." 

When I realized I was allowing my apps to control me, and that I was actually not as much in control as I liked to believe, I decided to give them a rest. Who wants to hike with some psycho more concerned about an electronic monitor than the people and pets who are out for some fun and yes, a little exercise, in the fresh air?

Currently, I am taking a Zen approach to my life. Mindfulness will be a lifelong goal for me, I believe. I am trying to pay attention to how I'm feeling and weighing my options before eating. I'm reading labels more these days, and trying to stay away from heavily processed foods. There is so much produce available this time of year, and I'm trying to take advantage of the fresh fruits and veggies. More salads, more fruit, more juice.  Less Fritos, less ice cream, less soda.

Today, I don't feel frantic about my weight and the numbers that have defined me all of my life.  Do you want to know how comfortable I am about where I've been and where I am? I am going to post my weight and size right here for all to see. "It is what it is." The numbers don't change who I am.  I am slowly coming to terms with that.

Here are the numbers, if you're into that sort of thing, and heaven knows, I have been most of my life. I WAS 224 pounds and a size 18 back in 2000.  By 2003, I was down to 147 and a size 4. People were asking if I were okay. They seemed to question my health when I got down to that size. My face was slightly gaunt and my hip bones were noticeably there.  Have no fear; my body wouldn't allow me to stay there longer than a week, and I slowly regained about 15 healthy pounds and held my own in size 6 -8 clothes for several years. After getting remarried, my weight careened to a scary 195. I lived in fear of living in that cumbersome body with the aches and pains again.  

It took some time, but this summer, I'm down to 171, and a size 8. Can you believe I told you that?  Yeah, I can own it and admit it. When those size 8s start feeling good, I will be thrilled. I'm still working on my muffin top and some excess baggage, physically and emotionally. It's going to take some more walking and hiking, and some better food choices for that to happen. By paying attention to what my body NEEDS, and taking care of myself, emotionally and physically, I know I will be able to get to a healthy place.  Mindfulness is the goal for me to embrace.

My writing is going to be my "app of choice" for now. I need to be in touch with my feelings and my thoughts. I refuse to obsess about crunching the numbers for now. Life is always in a state of flux, and for now, I'm going to go with the flow.  

If this approach sounds all New Age-y, maybe it is.  I need to take care of me, and I am realizing I am so much more than a number on the scale or a size on the tag of a pair of jeans. I am the sum of my experiences, wrapped in the love and support of friends and family who seem to love me in spite of my perceived imperfections. I will be forever grateful to have people in my life who see past the exterior of my skin, and value the soul who resides within this shell. Love and acceptance of self is something that has to come from within me; there's just simply not an app for that. And I'm okay with that.