*Let Go of Worry

Living in this moment, living in the now, is one of life's greatest challenges.  To be fully present is to savor this moment for what it is:  the gift of life.  It requires setting worries aside and putting sadness behind you, for worry belongs to the future and sadness belongs to the past.

Worries are things unknown, unexperienced; imagined fates we envision to be much worse than they ever will be.  When terrible things come to pass, and they will, they deserve our full attention.  Somehow being in the trenches of our darkest hour is much more manageable than we ever dream it could be.  Our imagination makes our demons more vicious, our futures much darker, our concerns so much worse.

Sadness occurs when we mourn our past.  Things have changed that we wish hadn't. When I am overcome with dread or anxiety, I find that my thoughts have drifted from the present moment to a time in the future, of which I know nothing.  When sadness overtakes me, I find that once again, I am not living in the now, but am thinking about a moment before this one, that caused me sorrow.

Inhale.  Slowly.  Exhale.  More slowly.  That's it.  Remind yourself that at this particular time you are safe.  You are okay.  You are managing. You dwell in possibility, but you do not fear.  Fear is useless.  Even when everything around you screams chaos, when you focus on your breathing, you realize that the only thing over which you actually have any control is your reaction to the chaos.  As long as you are breathing, and focusing on your breath, all is well.  Find a mantra that calms you.  "Serenity" is my chosen mantra because it soothes me to say it.  It is all I hope to find when I am facing difficulties in life.

One of my friends made the plaque pictured above for me.  "Live in this moment."  It reminds me every day, to focus on what matters.  People matter.  Charity matters.  Family matters.  This moment matters, and what I do with it will determine how I feel about how I've lived my life.  Each life is simply a series of all of the moments that comprise it.

In this moment, I live in gratitude knowing my children are safe and happy.  They may be experiencing trials of their own, but they are dealing with them.  I am grateful for the relative good health of my parents.  I know that I am safe, and that I am okay.  Living a life of awareness and appreciation for each moment as it comes is my goal.  It will always be a challenge, but when I focus on what is truly important, I always find myself content and peaceful.  Serenity is mine for the asking, if I simply live in this moment, not in the past, which can't be changed, and not in the future, which I cannot control.  Right here, right now, is exactly where I need to be.

The Mantra of a Massage: Keeping My Brain in the NOW

Flatirons, Boulder, Colorado

How hard is it to empty a head and just be? For me, it takes super-human strength and is as elusive as a Walmart associate when you need one. There are rare times I try to find this meditative state; when I pray and when I am the recipient of a massage. A certain degree of attention deficit has always been with me, so I find both of these activities very challenging to do without incessant brain chatter from the voices inside my head.  

Today was my lucky day; my favorite masseuse Melissa at Massage Envy was available at a time I could actually be there.

I like Melissa.  She asks enough questions for me to feel like she knows what I need and cares about me, but not so many I want to wring her neck and remind her that I am PAYING to de-stress here!  She is a single mom who shares just enough information to make her approachable, but not so much as to make me feel like I need to friend her on Facebook.

As I sank into the soft sheepskin pad on the padded table that was covered with a luxurious sheet, I reminded myself to just BE here today.  Don't try to solve all of the world's problems; don't review all the to-do lists in my head.  Just clear the mind and relax into the experience.

There are certain "touchstones," if you will, that help me remain present.  The things that seem to work best are focusing on my own breathing, the touch of the masseuse, and the music. My breath, taken in and then released, deeply and slowly, is my favorite way to bring me back to this moment.   If I am truly to benefit from the massage, I believe that to pay attention to where her hands are on my body is a good way to stay in the now.  New Age music is typically piped into the rooms of any spa for the relaxation and enjoyment of its clients.  Instrumental music without lyrics helps me dwell in the moment.

Ahhhh...as her oiled hands slipped down my aching spine, I envisioned the skin on my shoulders and upper back to be taut and smooth, and the flesh she was smashing toward my glutes probably resembled a puddle of Shar-pei wrinkles gathering in voluminous piles.  Shar-pei dogs are so adorable. We saw that cute one in San Diego, waiting for his owners to finish their dinner at a sidewalk cafe. Oops. Deep breath in...and slowly out.

Melissa's fingers expertly find the knots in my shoulder.  As she palpates the tender areas to release the tension, my muscles start to relax and enjoy her touch. And on to the next one. Ouch! Sometimes she presses deeply, concentrating with one or two fingers on the tightness that is there. If only I weren't such a klutz. That shoulder injury has been there for almost three years.

It was a snowy winter Saturday and I had just let our Boston Terrier outside to take care of his business.  I followed him onto the deck, but only walked onto the first icy stair when my feet flew out from under me. As I careened down the steps on my butt, my right arm flew high into the air behind me, and...sigh.  This relaxation is hard work.

Clearing my mind, I try to look at the back of my eyelids.  It's very dark. There's nothing there. That's the point. NOTHINGNESS is what I want to focus on for the time that I am here. In my mind's eye, I see calm and relaxation flutter over me like a gauzy blanket.  I take in another breath, slow and deep, and notice the warmth of Melissa's hands gliding over my back.

"I was going to ask if you're getting ready to go back to school..." she says in a soft voice. I feel my body tighten. "But then I remembered, you've just barely retired.  Are you happy about that?" 

I relax. "Yes," I whisper, smiling as I say it.  Usually a one word response is all the cue she needs to know I'm not up for too much visiting at the moment. Pretty soon, I'm lost in the darkness behind my eyelids and the tumbling thoughts in my brain.

The soft New Age music has an oriental quality to it.  There are wooden flutes, and some very strange stringed instrument that is starting to annoy me.  It sounds like the thickest string on a guitar, very loose, and vibrating with a reverberating TWANG at varying intervals!  New Age music.  I have a few tracks on my iPod.  I should set up a new playlist...I could label it "New Age..." DUH.  Or just "Easy Listening..." so that I can...A-HEM...another deep breath in and out.  A new song is playing. Thank heavens. I certainly didn't want to focus on that LAST one.  It was so annoying.

I've requested that Melissa focus on my back and glutes today. My shoulders and lower back are always aching with stress and knots.  She is doing such a good job.  Again, I let the moment wash over me, taking in the sensory experience for what it is...human touch, skin on skin, taking in the positives and releasing the negatives, listening to the soft music that is filling the room.

Before I knew it, Melissa had pulled the soft blanket up to cover my shoulders, and asked how everything went.  "It was wonderful.  I feel great," I smiled up at her.  It really was a nice experience.  Meditation is a work in progress for me.  I did better today than some days, believe it or not. There is always room for improvement with me, it seems.

Deepak Chopra has this to say about meditation:  "Meditation is not a way of making your mind quiet. It's a way of entering into the quiet that's already there - buried under the 50,000 thoughts the average person thinks every day." 

I certainly have my share of the 50,000 thoughts, now I just need to find the quiet. If Deepak says it's there, it must be!

Surrender to the Moment

In the moments that I stood outside in the chill of the winter's morning air, I forced myself to breathe deeply, and surrender to the moment: the cold, the dark, the silence, the contrast of the stars against the black blanket of sky. The wisp of a moon cast a soft glow behind the silhouette of limbs. There was not a rustle of leaves; there was no city's glow. Just the stars and I were witnesses to the waning night. The faint beginning of a new day was erasing the blackness overhead, loosening its grip on the night.

How I love the early morning, and the subtlety of the changes, barely perceptible to my senses so accustomed to the blatant barrage of sights and sounds throughout the day.

Be still in the silence. Listen to the quiet, and notice the nothingness of the night. Allow yourself to experience this apparent emptiness until it starts to expand your spirit, and you become aware of the fullness and richness it brings into your spirit. Sweet, precious night evolving into the dawning of another blessed morning. Namaste, indeed.

(January 12, 2013)