Friday, July 28, 2017

Almost Ready to Listen

An English muffin, overflowing with butter and honey was sitting on the cork bed of a Birkenstock sandal. It made perfect sense, until it didn't. I recognized it for what it was. Blessed sleep would be overtaking me since my thoughts were approaching a dream-like state.

Sleep has been so elusive lately, and I just haven't felt like my usual happy self. My insomnia has been getting the better of me. I have wandered through my days, checking things off my lists in a haphazard manner, wandering from task to task. Most mornings saw me heading back to bed before noon, if only for a little cat nap before lunch. And afternoon snoozes were becoming a thing, too.

When we don't get enough sleep, we don't think logically, and we might even act irrationally. Maybe that's just me. I tend to act like a very large toddler when I am overtired. 

When Chuck asked me to go with him to see the work the tree removal company had done in the backyard, I hesitated. I have loved all of the lush foliage in our yard, and the shade it provides. I followed him to the back of the house, but I was not prepared for the sight. Sunlight flooded into our family room and kitchen like bright spotlights. We looked out of our bay window. Where once stood a tall, shady locust tree, there was now a sad, little stump, level with our deck. I began to cry.

Like I said, I'm just not myself.

While talking to my husband on his commute home yesterday, he noticed I was coughing a lot. Was I? I hadn't noticed. I decided to take some cough syrup, and while I was at it, I took my temperature. It was over 99, and for a girl whose temp is usually under 97, I realized I just might be getting sick. Great. We had fun plans tonight, going to the youth theatre to take pictures. The faire is this weekend. I can't get sick.

For nearly two weeks, I have been out of sorts. My mood has been pretty flat. There has been no major disappointment; I just feel so blah.

My blog has been sitting stagnant for a week and a half. No, I haven't been writing. This week I haven't even felt like editing pictures, but I made sure the head shots for the theater were submitted.

With all of the rain, my daily walks with Sami had become sporadic, and there was so much mud to contend with every time the puppies had to go outside. I managed to sweep up the debris a few times, but I only mopped once.

My eating has been non-stop, and very unsatisfying. My clothes feel tighter, and that never helps my mood.

My Cameras and Coffee plans fell through, which is probably just as well. I don't think I would have been very good company for my friend.

I've been trying to read more, and spend less time online. Each morning I have tried to make sure I start the day with a very nutritious breakfast, knowing my eating plan unravels throughout the day when I feel like this. Fresh tomatoes have been featured at lunch. It's just all of the in-between meals eating that has been excessive.

My daughter suggested I listen to some uplifting podcasts, which was a great idea. I chose to listen to Andy Stanley, but I will need to try again. My brain was overloaded, and couldn't comprehend it all in one sitting.

Last night, I went to bed at 7:00 when Chuck went to the theater without me. I finally fell asleep after eight, and managed to stay asleep until 5:30. Then I went back to bed for about four hours before lunch. This afternoon I have gone from recliner to bed to recliner.

For me, I know it's time for some reflection. What am I doing right? What needs to change? Are there things that would make me feel better that I am neglecting to do? There is something to be learned from this discomfort. I think I am almost ready to listen to find out what it is.

A good night's sleep will be most welcome. May there be more English muffins on Birkenstocks in my near future, or whatever my subconscious brain wants to put together to usher me into dreamland.


  1. Bethany Adams BooherJuly 28, 2017 at 5:57 PM

    Denise, this post is NOT YOUR NORMAL DENISE BLOG. Go to the Doctor, get a physical and find out what's going on. Read your old blogs from a year or so ago. Where is that excited, energetic soul? She rarely talked about sleeping...or naps. She is still there but needs some immediate attention....and no more muffins. Sorry to be so blunt but maybe no one else is saying it. There's a lot of people out here that love you and want you to feel like Denise again.

  2. Sleep is crucial - and hopefully you are starting to feel a little better after a full night of sleep. Listening to your body and the signals are important. I agree with Bethany that a doctor visit may help if symptoms continue. Hopefully you get to Bristol today and find some moments of fun.


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