Now that I've dried my tears, and admitted to Chuck that I suppose I am a little less than fine, and a tiny bit sad, and more than a little nostalgic, I am ready to sort through my thoughts about saying, "Safe travels" to our youngest as he sets out for a three day road trip, solo this time.
Bridger and I drove 25 hours last week from Utah to Chicago. We had a whirlwind week together, attending the Bristol Renaissance Faire, doing a walking tour of Chicago, and drumming and jamming at home.
Chuck treated us to all of our favorite restaurants, letting Bridger enjoy Chicago dogs from Portillo's, deep dish pizza at Giordano's, brats at Navy Pier, and enchiladas at our favorite Mexican restaurant, El Zarape in Wheaton. We have eaten well. We have played hard. We have slept not as much as we would have liked. And oh, have we laughed.
And just like that, he's gone.
I sent this picture to Chuck at 8:00 this morning.
Chuck asked, "How's my beautiful bride doing?" He knew. He always knows, sometimes even better than I do, as you will see in my response:
"Fine. I get to see him in less than four weeks. And my husband will be with me every day until then. At this moment in time, life is very, very good. Thank you for this week with B."
As I sat on the couch, I asked myself how I was really feeling. I realized it wasn't exactly true to say I'm fine. I was a little less than okay, and actually, quite sad. I began to cry. Not thirty minutes after telling my husband I was fine, I decided to honor my feelings, and 'fess up to Chuck.
"Okay, I am a little sad B is gone. I will be fine, but I keep finding my eyes feeling a little watery, and my throat a little tight. I am so grateful we were able to spend this week with him."
Chuck said, "I was thinking there might be some missing going on."
I admitted that I was on an emotional roller coaster with how I felt. Chuck understood; thank goodness. I let him know I appreciated that, and said, "I'm trying to honor my feelings with acknowledgement instead of denying them. Mayhap by doing that I will avoid plowing through a carton of ice cream later. I can see that in the past I would have just told you I was fine, and cried alone. And eaten everything in my path later."
We emotional eaters will always have temptations to overcome. Today is a good day for me, in a bittersweet way. Although I am sad, I am dealing with sadness by "talking" (texting, really) and writing, and yes, crying. And I have eaten, but only my normal breakfast and a snack of a banana. Go, me.
I'm looking forward to sharing with you some of our highlights of Bridger's visit: THE ROYAL TREATMENT he received at the Bristol Renaissance Faire, touring downtown Chicago, and learning new tricks with my sticks with drum lessons from B. It has been a wonderful, whirlwind of a week.
THIS JUST IN: Bridge has been driving since 8:00 this morning, and just before 11, I received this text from him:
"Hello from Wisconsin! I don't know where I am tho. Some rest stop. Love ya."
Sigh. I'll just let these tears fall, and smile through them all because we have an amazing kid in this boy, and he loves his mama. That is enough for today.