Tuesday, February 23, 2016

Consistently Inconsistent; That's Me

I feel broken lately. Well, not all of me, just certain parts of me.  I feel like I've lost the mechanism in me that recognizes satiety. I have forgotten how to nourish my body without overindulging in foods with no nutritional value. I've been painfully aware of my weakness with food because in the last three months, Chuck has managed to lose 12 pounds by making small adjustments in his eating and exercising. 

In all fairness, I have lost close to 12 pounds, as well, but unfortunately, they're the same two pounds, about every other week. "Just like a yo-yo..." Remember that Osmond Brothers' song? It's currently the soundtrack of my life. 

My hero in the Consistently Consistent Department.

Before the chaotic eating of the holidays hit, Chuck had his annual diabetic checkup with his internist. We'd been married just shy of a year, and apparently he had enjoyed my cooking as much as I had. His doctor was not impressed with his modest weight gain, or his elevated blood sugar levels. So, in classic Chuck style, my husband decided he needed to eat less and exercise more. To him, once he has determined a course of action is necessary, it simply needs to be incorporated into his routine. 

Chuck started checking his blood sugar levels regularly. We tweaked and trimmed his favorite recipes, lowering carbohydrate and calorie counts. Chuck started riding his exercise bike before leaving for work at 6. Instead of grazing on high carb snacks at work, he asked me to stop buying Ruffles, which are his weakness, and he monitored himself with his pretzel braids. When I baked cookies, I cut them into quarters and froze them. A couple of times a day, Chuck would take one or two pieces of cookie to end a meal with a sweet taste, and then he would declare his eating completed. All of these little changes made a difference.

A quarter of a cookie? That's all Chuck needs to be satisfied.
Last week he returned to the doctor. She was so pleased with his weight loss. We are still waiting on his blood test results, but we know from his frequent testing at home that the numbers have improved drastically. 

I'm so proud of him; really, I am. To me, it's nothing short of amazing that someone can muster up that kind of dedication so quickly, and get those kind of results. Each week he would trot down the stairs to weigh himself, and then proudly announce how many pounds he had lost.

"Honey, I am so happy for you," I would say. "You are my hero. Look at you go. I wish I could do what you are doing."

"You're doing great, too," he would say. "You work out harder than I do on the bike, and you do your seven minute workout. You're keeping track of what you eat."

Yeah, About that. I do work out hard, hoping against hope that exercising extra hard will somehow combat the extra calories I'm consuming throughout the day. (Yes, I am aware of the stats that say weight loss is 80% what we eat, and 20% of how much we exercise.) 

Valentine's Day I definitely took a holiday
from recording what I ate. 
Most days, I do record everything I've eaten. The app, My Fitness Pal lets me click a button that says "Complete this entry" at the end of the day, and then it either posts that "Denise completed her food and exercise diary for the day and was under her calorie goal." OR, as is often the case,  "Denise completed her food and exercise diary for the day." Notice the absence of "UNDER HER CALORIE GOAL." There have been more than a few days like that. 

My Fitness Pal is a social website that allows friends to see your progress, and gives opportunities to encourage each other. A couple weeks ago I noticed that I was the only one in our group who wasn't posting any weight loss progress. At breakfast that morning, I was whining to Chuck that everyone, including him, is making progress, but I am not. 

"I know what the problem is. Everyone else is consistently eating under their calorie goal and working out, and I am not consistent. It has been a trait of mine for most of my life, being inconsistent." 

"Well, you ARE consistently inconsistent," Chuck said with a gleam. 

Ugh. I am not spared from his dad jokes. I'm his sole audience more often than not. "Waka waka," his son Matt and I tell him when he has made an attempt at humor that makes us smile. Even if it's only a little.

This morning I sent Chuck a picture of my new haircut, telling him my hair was driving me crazy, so I cut my bangs myself. His response?

"See, there you go. Trimmed back an ounce right there." <Insert "waka waka" here.>

All joking aside, I seem to have lost the mindset I had back in the day when I wanted to make good eating choices that would allow me to maintain a healthy weight, or drop a few pounds. 

So, friends, I am in search of motivation. What do YOU do when you feel like you are stalling your weight loss progress because you've lost your mojo? Do you have any tricks to share? Favorite music that spurs you on? Pep talks you've found online? Any thoughts?

I'll tell you what I've done. I gathered favorite photos of myself working out, of me with my family and friends who support me, and pictures that are flattering to me in some way. I also found inspirational quotes online, and I made a little slideshow of the photographs and quotes on my iPad to Christina Aguilera's song, "Blessed." I found guided meditations on Spotify that encourage self-acceptance and healthy habits. I've mentioned before that whenever I want to be accountable, I let Chuck know my goal for the day is to avoid trigger foods. I keep my word to him, so on days I need a little extra push, I make a promise to him.

If you are currently experiencing success in the healthy eating department, or you have had success in the past, what worked for you? I would love for you to share your ideas and resources here. I am willing to try something new that might help me get back on track. Please help me become consistently CONSISTENT. I think that will be key.


  1. I'm the poster child for not meeting my goals with regard to fitness and weight. I also live with the man who decided to lose 60 lbs and run a marathon when he turned 50. Sheesh . . . he set the bar high! Denise, I think the key here is to finding the joy within and truly forgiving ourselves for our past failures. Sometimes I think that if I don't put so much emphasis on what I'm not, it will be easier to get closer to what/who I want to be.
    My biggest success at losing weight came when I was truly counting calories, making the choice to skip the foods I really wanted, and working on fitness. I also indulged in working with a trainer once a week. One hour just for me. I made the time, wore spandex out of the house and into the gym, and pushed myself. It wasn't about the calories burned (as we know those are minimal). It was about getting over my excuses and really doing something for myself.
    Good luck with your journey. I look forward to hearing what works for you.

    1. Yours is the voice of reason. These are the things I know to be true. One thing I am learning is that I need to tune in to WHY I feel driven to overeat, and learn from that, rather than shame myself before, during and after. The message I am hearing repeatedly recently is to love myself as I am before I even attempt to make any changes. I am a slow learner, but I am a learner. Thank you, Whitney, for taking the time to share your thoughts here.

    2. The biggest decision, of course, Whitney, was leaving the house in spandex! ;-)

    3. Denise, for real! The why seems to crucial. And the non-shaming part is even MORE crucial! I, too, feel slow and broken in ways. But I'm progressing, slowly.

      Still laughing about the waka waka. LOL!

  2. I had trouble getting to the post by the earlier link and am glad I made it here as this is, of course, the "BIG" issue of many women's lives, mine included. Your posts was beautifully written, handling a painful topic with humor and yet pulling no punches.

    In answer to what I do? At the moment, very little, though I have been working on the following things which have helped me in the past: 1) Feed the appetite of my mind (learn, keep my brain busy); 2) Take more down time and away time (I am a stress/boredom eater); 3) With a last child off to college soon, I'm working hard to avoid a sense of regret, failure, loss and am reminding myself that it's more important to be in the moment, to make small changes, to love myself chubby as I am.

    In the meantime, I look for small changes, listen to audiobooks, write, build things, take pictures, craft stuff, and try to recognize that some of my hunger relates more to the uncertainty in my life at present.

    I look forward to hearing more about your journey.

  3. Consistently inconsistent, that describes me too! These days I can't muster enough willpower to say "no" to treats in order to have a slender body. On the other hand, I have had to make big changes due to medical issues (my body suddenly has begun manufacturing kidney stones). It is a fight, but my focus is on regaining health.

    I wish you all the best in your revised eating goals. Small changes, over time, do work wonders.


Thank you so much for stopping by Randomocity. Like most writers, I enjoy interacting with the wonderful people who read what I have to say, so please, if you would like to leave a "blogment," I would love to hear from you!