We sold the house in Chicagoland in 2021, and retired to Utah to enjoy RV living full-time. I’m Denise, and my husband is Chuck. We love photographing community events, like rodeo and theatre. We have 6 kids, 2 dogs, and 5 grandkids.
Showing posts with label making time for family. Show all posts
Showing posts with label making time for family. Show all posts
In attempting to reconnect as a family, we are trying to find things besides watch TV and play with our electronic devices. Our bad habit was even worse in that we were all retreating to our own places in the house to do these things by ourselves. There's nothing wrong with watching a good show on TV, but for those times when you want to really make a memory, I've compiled a list of ideas. Here are ten things we've tried just recently.
Read a book. Silently, or out loud, I'm an advocate for reading. I'm a teacher; I love to read out loud, and my kids have always liked me to read to them. My youngest is nearly 16 years old, and we are currently enjoying The Life and Times of the Thunderbolt Kid by Bill Bryson. (I do not recommend this for young children, unless you're good at censorship on the fly. ;-) )
Play music. Listen to recordings, or even better, listen to music played LIVE. Bridger plays the guitar, and I have loved watching his skills develop from a three chord-repertoire to many more, and learning how to finger and use a capot.
Enjoy your favorite outdoor activity. Bridger likes to longboard with his friend. Bike on your local trails. Go for a hike. Take a walk. We walk our dog at the park, down the road and on trails. My husband and I have plans to resume our previous level of hiking that had been set aside after my rheumatologist scared me away from anything that COULD lead to injury. I've decided to get back to living my life without fear, and just to be extra careful.
Bake something together. Last week, I actually made the cookie dough while my boy was at school, and had him help me scoop out the dough and bake the cookies. And then we ate them. I will need to do more of number 3 if we keep doing more of number 4.
Have friends over. I had girlfriends over for lunch. We had Bridger's friend over for dinner. My husband had friends over to watch football and order pizzas. It is always fun to entertain company. There is an added bonus for me: I tend to keep the house tidier when I know people are coming!
Tackle chores together. I started mowing the lawn while my son took a shovel to the end of our driveway to make a smoother transition from the newly laid road base to our gravel driveway. When he finished that, he gallantly took over the mowing for me.
TALK. This week, we've had some enlightening discussions on the way to and from school (nearly an hour a day). We've talked about prejudice, labeling, college, music, scholarships, advanced math, teachers, and favorite memories. My favorite conversation, which involved some internet research, was about "Was Jesus Black?"(Link to earlier post). Bridger is always thinking, which requires that I keep thinking, too.
Let your child teach YOU something. A couple of weeks ago, Mark took Bridger to the
shooting range, and told him, "You're the expert here. I'll follow your lead." Bridger took it very seriously, and explained basic courtesy and safety. He always asked if we were ready before he took aim, and he was very careful in handling the variety of weapons. I took my camera because I'm not one to shoot guns, but I LOVE shooting pictures! Everyone had fun at their own level.
Play games. Our favorite is Scrabble. Bridger and I had never kept score until this last time. He skunked me by 60 points, and then had the GALL to point out a mistake I made two plays before the game was over that cost me 57 points. No more Mr. Nice Guy. I'm going to have to hone my Scrabble skills if I hope to ever maintain my status as a word geek.
Invent something, fix something, improve something. After school, Bridger retreated to his room. He came out periodically looking for duct tape and other supplies. "Should I be worried?" I asked. "No, not yet," was his response. He was making a prototype for a trebuchet, which is a catapult. He has big plans for a life-size contraption soon. I have a feeling if he can get the model to work, no pumpkin will be safe after Halloween.
My husband is a PRO when it comes to fixing things that don't work so well. He and Bridger took our bed apart and tightened all of the screws. (Certainly can't have a squeaky bed. Don't want any raised eyebrows when company is over.) Those two are constantly working on little projects to repair things around here. Duct tape and WD40 are about all I can manage. I'm grateful for their skills. My thing is recipes and writing. I'm always tweaking recipes to make them healthier, and I'm always editing my writing to try to improve it.
What activities would you suggest? With the upcoming holidays, I'm thinking we need to expand our game collection. I would love to hear from you about things you do to encourage family time, and downplay time in front of TVs or computers.
Is it just me? Is my family the only one taking the path of least resistance when it comes to spending time together? I'm afraid our quality time has consisted of showing each other our favorite YouTube videos, and watching a movie on Netflix. Those would be best case scenarios. A mediocre scenario would have us all glued to our own screens in the same room. Worst case scenario? It's every man for himself with his own screen in separate rooms of the house.
Push is coming to shove. This family is not spending enough time together. We're all guilty. My husband heads to the bedroom to watch sports on TV. Bridger goes to his room to listen to his iPod, text his friends, and Skype a certain someone, and I park myself in my recliner with my MacBook. It wouldn't be as bad if we were all watching a movie or involved in playing a video game together. It's the solitary screen time that bothers me the most. I am probably the biggest offender. They say we notice the faults in others we most wish to change about ourselves. I know I have an addiction; Mark calls me the Internet Ranger. It's time for us to disconnect so that we can REconnect.
Yes, I am still pondering that YouTube video from a couple of weeks ago (Disconnect to Connect). In case you didn't see it, I'm going to add it here:
I am looking for any and all activities that we can do that will make us better people, build our relationships with each other and our friends, and benefit our school or community. Anything that keeps us active or mentally involved without our vegetating in front of a computer or TV screen.
We started with easy things: baking, music, visiting friends, delivering baked goods. While Bridge is at school, I'm trying to get in exercise, chores around the house, and checking in on friends and family. I will admit that I still spend plenty of time blogging, but I am trying to schedule those times before anyone is up, and while Bridger is at school. A bonus of all of these non-screen activities: I will have much more interesting things to write about. I can't simply point out fun "pins" on Pinterest every day, now can I?
Week of September 9
Pumpkin Pie Walnut Raisin Chocolate Chip Cookies
Monday: Bridge helped me make cookies when we got home from the high school. I got dinner in the oven (Easiest Chili Cornbread!) while he went longboarding with Tanner. I delivered cookies to friends while the casserole was baking, and I stopped to take pictures of the boys. They followed me home to have dinner together. The two of them devoured the casserole with compliments and gratitude.
After Tanner went home, Bridge made an attempt at his advanced math, and set it aside to play his guitar. He used my laptop to get lyrics and chords to play. We sang songs, and I read in the recliner while he played. Around 9:15, I told him he would need to finish his homework. We made it from 3:45, when I picked him up until 9:15 when I headed to my room, without individual screen time and no TV. Beginner's luck? Whatever! We did GREAT for our first attempt.
Spending time with friends doing favorite activities!
Marley & I walked to "where the blacktop ends."
Tuesday: During the day while B is at school, I'm trying to spend less time in front of a screen, too. Today I visited a friend I had not seen for a very long time, and took Marley for a two mile walk in between downpours of rain. I cleaned sinks and toilets, and did some laundry. I find I'm more productive when I break up my writing with things that get me moving.
When we first got home from school, Bridge grabbed his longboard and headed out in the drizzling rain, supposedly perfect boarding conditions. He came back wet and cold when Tanner didn't show up.
Mark's Ovation guitar has become
a new friend for Bridge.
While he played the guitar, I made peach jam to put on home-baked (not homemade; I have my limits on weeknights) whole wheat rolls. While he ate rolls, I read out loud the first chapter of Bill Bryson's book: The Life and Times of the Thunderbolt Kid. Bridge fell asleep sometime around page 25.
Bill Bryson was born ten years before I was, and I'm liking this exposure to life in the fifties and sixties. Times were simpler, and people appreciated what they had. (This $3 book from the thrift store was a good investment.) Bridger was so full from his snack he never was hungry enough for dinner. We enjoyed another pleasant evening.
My Happy Helperton
Wednesday: We finally had a break in the weather, so when we got home, Bridge grabbed a shovel to level out our driveway with the new road base on the canyon road, and I jumped on the riding lawnmower. He was done in a jiffy, and relieved me of mowing. After he went long-boarding for an hour or so, we ate pizza that I made according to his request: white chicken bacon artichoke. It was GOOD!
While he finished up dinner, I read the second chapter of The Thunderbolt Kid, then we watched a couple of Comedy Central shows we'd recorded, and then while he did homework, I read some more of my book. He had some tough homework, and when it still didn't make sense with the assistance of Khanacademy.org, he packed up his school bag and said he'd get help tomorrow before class. He kissed me goodnight, and took his guitar downstairs to Skype his certain someone. Three nights down, and I'm pretty pleased that things have gone so well.
Thursday: We live about 25 miles from the high school. I drove from home to the high school and back three times today. After the second trip, there were all three of us at home: Mark, Bridger and me. While Mark took a nap, I read some more of The Thunderbolt Kid, and toward the end of the third chapter, Bridge fell asleep. I woke him up to eat dinner. The guys watched a little football and then at 7:15, Bridge and I drove back for my THIRD trip to Monroe for his first Sevier Valley Symphony practice. He gets so excited about music. Tonight we learned that he will have an opportunity to take some private tuba lessons, in addition to his guitar lessons. The boy dines at the banquet of music daily. Friday: This morning, after I took B to school, Mark and I enjoyed a yummy breakfast of Ginger Spice Waffles with Chunky Peach Syrup. We talked over breakfast, and then actually went for our first hike together this summer! In June, my rheumatologist scared me away from hitting the trails, and it took the wind out of my sails for many weeks. I have decided that I will no longer live a fear-based life. We went, and it felt so great to be outside together!
Bridger went home with a friend after school let out at 1:00. The poor kid is being raised as an only child, so I welcome any opportunities he has to spend with another family. I totally get that he needs interaction with his peers. His friends' families tend to have musical and academic children, too, and the boys share a similar sense of humor and enjoy a congenial camaraderie. I consider his friends an extension of our family.
This afternoon, I admit to using my laptop more as Mark has been catching up on his Thursday night football. We ate a dinner of leftovers, and Mark watched a little more football. Another storm is brewing, and there is a football game tonight.
The pep band has been promised that if 100 of them show up, Mr. Cavan will shave his head. That may be a lofty goal, even on a good weather night, but I admire his band teacher's spirit! I plan to get over there around half-time to watch my former students perform as a drill team, and to get some pictures of Bridger with the band. Oh, I hope the weather cooperates. Tomorrow, Bridger has the additional requirement of getting up by 10. That child can sleep, I tell you. He accepted that new rule with goodnatured negotiating, but I held firm. I told him I would prefer NINE, so he should just be grateful for ten.
Saturday: Mark and I had breakfast together, and Mark went to bat for Bridger, saying that he's such a good kid, and has put in overtime with his music this week; just let him sleep. I am all talk, and easily swayed. So we did. At 11:15, I gently woke him up with the invitation to Ginger Snap Waffles and Peach Syrup. He ate breakfast, and he and Mark watched a little football. Mark and I invited him for a walk, but he declined. It started to rain, so I was able to check that off of my bucket list: "laughter in the rain; walking hand in hand with the one I love...." I'm weird; I admit it.
By the time we got back, Mark's parents were there. We changed out of our wet clothes, and I started dinner. Bridge took a nap (that kid can sleep, like I said) and after he had his dinner, we all watched a movie: Now You Don't. Don't bother. It wasn't that great.
Sunday: Mark and I accompanied his parents to church after I made a colossal mess in the kitchen with my homemade peach syrup. Apparently, when the blender lid isn't on, and one presses PULSE instead OFF, one can expect to clean sticky surfaces within five feet of the blending station. Bleah. It soaked the calendar hanging on the fridge, the cabinets, the solid surface cooktop, and the floor. I figured a little church might be a good idea to balance out the awful thoughts I had during my breakfast fiasco. The talks were good ones, focusing on rendering service and finding happiness even in trials. Who couldn't benefit from those topics?
While Mark and Bridger watched football off and on, I admit I used my laptop. The afternoon wasn't a total cave in on the disconnect concept: I did manage to read another chapter of our book to Bridge, and I listened to him play his guitar on the porch before it got too hot this afternoon.
CONCLUSION: This is a goal worth pursuing. I cannot in good conscience "let come what may." Taking the path of least resistance has been a cop out. It wasn't that difficult to come up with things we would enjoy doing, and the outcome was worth it. We will never be a TV-free family. I will never agree to a house without a wi-fi connection.
The time we spend away from our TV screens is time well-spent. We have more activities to enjoy together: board games, hiking together, spending time around our fire pit, and going camping. Once we start doing more activities, more opportunities will present themselves. I feel like we will only grow closer as a family the more time we spend together doing things intentionally. Living a life with intention dovetails nicely with living a life fully dwelling in the moment.
How long could YOU go without screen time? Could you unplug yourself from your phone and your computer and your tablet? I have been asking myself these questions lately, and the answers were making me squirm. I have many OCD issues, but I would have to say the thing that I am most compulsive about is checking my cell phone. I check the time (and yet, for some strange reason, the time never registers in my brain so I have to check it again), I check email, I check texts, I check my blog, and I check Facebook. I truly am obsessive AND compulsive about my technology.
This morning, Dylan and I were up early, getting ready to go to Sand Hollow before the sun scorched the desert and sent the temperatures over 100 degrees. Getting Bridger going early in the morning is an exercise in patience, but we managed. We were in Dylan's pickup by 7:30.
Just before we left, I had a spontaneous thought. One of my goals is to loosen the grip some of my obsessive-compulsive tendencies have on me. I had watched a video last week that had touched me. It had inspired me to "disconnect to reconnect." I knew it was something I needed to do more often, especially when my husband and children are present.
At the last minute, I texted my husband and posted to Facebook, "Good morning!!! Going fishing with my boys. I'm declaring the day NO TECHNOLOGY DAY...well, at least until we come back to civilization. Wish me well. Checking my Facebook is my biggest OCD behavior of all. A little nervous I am." I powered off my phone and left it on the kitchen counter. And just like that, I walked away from my beloved phone.
Sand Hollow is northeast of Saint George near Hurricane. The reservoir is crystal clear and is a good place for bass fishing, if you like to fish, which I don't. I hate to fish. I hate the smell of worms and Power Bait and fish. The only fun thing about fishing is casting and I was chastised for the incessant casting and reeling I did a long time ago when I tried to have a little fun. I haven't fished since. So I have to find other ways to enjoy myself when I accompany the men in my family who enjoy "drowning a worm" now and again.
In my CamelBak hydration backpack I put my camera, journal, book, snacks, cooling cloths, and sunscreen...but not my Droid Razr cell phone. While the boys hiked up and down the red rock surrounding the water, trying to find the perfect fishing hole, I tagged along behind them, taking pictures as we walked. There were beautiful white flowers in bloom in the hot, red desert sand. I loved catching pictures of my boys casting their fishing poles, taking sips of water, talking together, standing in silence alone on the rocks.
As the sun made its way across the sky and I got hotter by the minute, I looked longingly at the lake. The clear water teased me, lapping against the red sandstone shoreline. I pulled out my neckerchief filled with beads that plump up with water to facilitate cooling on occasions such as this. I was so tempted to take off my shoes and socks and get my feet wet. The hotter it got, the more I entertained the thought of immersing my whole body in the lake. But today Dylan had told me about the probability of getting swimmer's itch. Swimmer's itch is an awful skin rash resulting in pus-filled blisters, and is caused by a bacteria that is in certain bodies of water. Sand Hollow contains that bacteria. The rash is itchy and miserable. Considering the consequences, I busied myself with soaking my Coolcore cloth, dripping water from my Camelbak onto the cloth and snapping it to activate its cooling feature. It was my salvation as sweat trickled down my torso. I envied the water skiers. The skiers were young and not scared off by threats of a rash. They were laughing and enjoying themselves immensely. I, on the other hand, was drinking copious amounts of water and getting hotter by the minute. My life is all about comfort. I was taking comfort in the fact that I was avoiding the dreaded bacteria hiding in the lake, and doing everything I could to stay cool without diving in head first. Yes, I am plagued by the mindset of the "mature." Case in point: I looked like a dork on the rocks, but I was cooler because of my dorky attire....not cooler culturally, mind you, but cooler physically. We laughed about my attempts to avoid the heat. "Nerd alert!" Dylan teased. He recorded me in all of my glory. I was smiling at the camera. "Shrink, don't smile in every picture. Write in your journal. Look like you just had a great idea!" After jotting notes in my notebook, and taking pictures of the boys and the beautiful scenery, I decided to find a shadier spot and read. I'd just started The Pilgrimage by Paolo Coelho, and took advantage of the boys' quiet fishing time to get a little farther in my book. Eventually, all of the water I'd been drinking caught up with me. It was time to traipse back to the restrooms. That settled it; the boys had only pulled one tiny bass to shore, and they decided they had had enough sun, too.
We drove around the sand dunes, and some of the newer housing developments in the area. Dylan spotted a pair of sunglasses on the side of the road, and he asked Bridge to go get them. When he put the purple plaid Burberry glasses on, he asked, "Do these sunglasses make me look as sexy as I feel?" That boy... He had never heard of Burberry, but I recognized it as a high end name in the fashion industry. If only I had my phone, I could prove to him he had found a treasure by showing him what a pair of those glasses were worth. That was the first time I really missed my cell phone. I will admit that by not being glued to a screen, I had more opportunities to be an active participant with the boys this morning. It is something I will do again. It was worth it to leave the technology behind. When we arrived at the house, it was 11:57. The boys made me wait three more minutes. "Wait for it..." Five hours techonology-free, and I had survived! When I checked in on Facebook, I had 15 notifications. Friends had teased me about my "break." They know I'm addicted. They know it wasn't easy. It was probably good for them to have a break from me, too! The first thing I Googled was Burberry sunglasses. They retail for over $200. What a nice find they turned out to be! Oh, I do love my internet connection and all of the information and communication it allows me. But I will ALWAYS love my family more than ANYTHING...even Facebook!
Who wouldn't be happy to be spending time with these boys?
The younger learns from the elder.
Fishing is serious business.
If Dylan is wearing his Kauai hat, it's going to be a fishing day, Jamie says.
It's a thneaky thnake. Just a blow snake, thank goodness. We got "up close and personal."
