Tuesday, December 6, 2016

In Search of Snow White and Berries Red

The Illinois sky delivered its first snowfall for the 2016/17 season on December 4th, and it was a humdinger. It couldn't have come at a better time. 

You see, Sunday I had a bad case of the sads. The anniversary of my father's death is approaching, and I have been a little melancholy anyway, but mostly, my mother's heart was troubled, as mother's hearts are wont to do when any of her children are suffering. 

Everything made me cry that day. Watching a video of a police officer saving a woman's life with CPR made me cry. Seeing old pictures of my children made me cry. Reading my old blog posts made me cry. When Chuck offered to fly me home this week to spend time with my kids, I cried harder. How he puts up with me is a wonder.

I was at the kitchen sink when I noticed the first snowflake. And then another. "It's snowing," I told Chuck, my voice breaking. Good grief. I had WANTED it to snow, and seeing my wish come true made me dissolve into another puddle of tears. 

We stayed home from church, which was probably a good thing on many levels. The snowplows hadn't gotten out yet, my head hurt, and I was afraid I would just cry through the entire meeting. 

During breakfast, Sierra Facetimed us, and she actually made me laugh. Texts from the boys soon let me know everyone was feeling much better about life on Sunday. Sierra was relaxing at home, getting ready to decorate a tree someone anonymously left on her front porch, and the boys were with Jamie, hunting in Pine Valley for their Christmas tree with a shotgun. (That's a story for another day.)

All of the crying I had done gave me a headache, and Chuck had one, too, so we both settled down for a long winter's nap. Meanwhile, the snow continued to fall, and when we woke up, the world was covered in white. 

We dug out all of our winter wear, putting on layers under our jeans and sweaters. I was so worried I wouldn't be able to zip my pants and ski jacket, but I guess the five pounds I'd lost these last two weeks did me some good; everything zipped! We set off to walk in Saint Charles' winter wonderland. Chuck brought one of our cameras, and I put my iPhone in a plastic bag for safekeeping.

I love my Beart for putting up with all of the selfies. Making and preserving memories are so important to me.

Silly things still brought me to tears for the rest of the day. It's like someone opened the floodgates, and tried to close them, but didn't quite get the job done. I saw big, old-fashioned Christmas lights on a house; Dad's favorite lights for the tree. Tears. I saw seven cardinals flitting back and forth in our backyard. More tears. I always think of Daddy when I see Virginia's state bird. 

That bad case of the sads eased throughout our afternoon, and by the time we got home, I was feeling somewhat refreshed and hopeful again.
Thanks to freezing temperatures, there was plenty of snow to photograph the next day, too, and I drove downtown to walk around Pottawatomie Park in search of pictures of red berries covered in snow. 

What a difference a day makes. I felt so happy and lighthearted, knowing all of our children are doing okay, our family is healthy, and we all have reasons to smile today. 

Not only did I find red berries and plenty of snow, I finally found my smile.


  1. Denise, I think of Roger and Dad together often. I know Dad does, too. I can't relate exactly to that experience but I CAN relate to the teary eyed days every once in a while. And then you go to sleep and wake to a whole new day and a new attitude:) ! Hummm....I think I feel a Pointer Sisters song about to come out :D !!!! Pam Jennings Barger...cause I can't figure out that "comment as" thingy!!!

  2. I love this. It is filled with the beauty that sadness can bring. It isn't easy to endure, but tears can sometimes bring creativity. Hugs.

  3. I appreciate your perspective. Thank you, Susan. Hugs back.

  4. Beautiful photos. The red really pops. I don't live where it snows usually.Maybe it will snow one day every 5 years, and it doesn't stay long. Just beautiful.

    I'm sorry you were sad. I used to be sad all the time. Now, I hardly ever cry. I may get a tear- but I won't allow myself to cry for fear itwill trigger me back into my decade of death and griefing. I've learned to stuff it real good now.

    1. I think she metines it is good to deal with it. Sit with the grief, , and then move on. A decade is a one time so I understand you wouldn't want to repeat that.


Thank you so much for stopping by Randomocity. Like most writers, I enjoy interacting with the wonderful people who read what I have to say, so please, if you would like to leave a "blogment," I would love to hear from you!