Nothing Lasts Forever

And then there are moments that become days that become weeks, and we wonder how we will ever get back to the goodness that is our life. We just go through the motions, and try to enjoy the small blessings that tide us over until positive energy finally returns, and brings us back to that coveted place we felt was missing that was really there all along. 

At one time in my life, after a particularly long dry spell, I felt like a reset button had finally been pushed, and I was able to enjoy my life fully again. Sometimes we just have to hang on a little longer, have more faith, and trust in something bigger than ourselves to overcome the mental adversity that besets us. Long-term stress is rarely eternal; it just feels that way at the time.

Insomnia has taken some of the wind out of my sails lately, and I am trying to remember there are so many good things each day; I just have to make myself find them. Each day, I'm challenging myself to find three things that make me smile. Yesterday it was eating a tomato sandwich with a tomato I grew myself, and snuggling with my Velvet Hippo Bristol, and decaf coffee that tastes good to get me through this withdrawal from all of the caffeine my body thinks it needs. My headaches won't last forever, and I actually had 8 hours of sleep last night. Pretty soon, maybe these 2 hour napping sessions will be a thing of the past.

Take comfort in the fact that nothing lasts forever; sadly, not the good stuff, but especially not the bad stuff either. The rough patches we go through help us the good times that are sure to come, if we'll just be patient.  

Chin up, friends!

Taking the Road Less Traveled

A Photo Safari of Door County in Autumn

Chuck and I just celebrated our fourth anniversary of meeting each other by getting away for the weekend to Door County, Wisconsin. Oh, yes, we had already celebrated the day we NOTICED each other, and on the 18th of October was the day we MET in person, and we have more anniversaries coming up. The day we got engaged, our first Thanksgiving together, our first Christmas together, AND the day we actually got married. We do like to celebrate. 

Rather than give you a blow-by-blow description of where we ate, what we saw, and where we went in Wisconsin, I am going to let my pictures do most of the talking. A picture is worth a thousand words, after all. Suffice it to say visiting Door County while the fall colors were still vibrant was just what my soul needed. 

Friday we drove all the way up to Gill's Rock, and be-bopped back and forth on the smaller, less-crowded county roads between Green Bay and Lake Michigan. 

Saturday was a funny weather day where we experienced everything from rain to sleet to snow to sun. We were grateful the rain waited until after sunrise to begin, so we were able to watch the sun come up over Lake Michigan in Sturgeon Bay. 

Throughout the drizzly day, we stuck to the back roads, and were rewarded with glorious landscapes at every turn. 

As Chuck said again and again, each time we put our cameras back in the car, "Blessings of taking the road less traveled." 

We poked around the art galleries, and enjoyed so much talking with the artists who owned them. Much to our surprise there was a furious wind bringing snow with it when we left one of the galleries.

Sunday we met new friends with whom we bonded immediately. I wish we had taken pictures of Jyoti and her husband Sriram, but I have a feeling we'll get to do that soon enough. We're already making plans to get together for Indian food and pizza. 

We were in Door County until Sunday mid-morning, and then it was time to head home. I'm so glad we took the extra time to take the road less traveled. It really did make all the difference.

I Had It All Along

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Have you ever searched and searched for something, only to discover you had it all along? This has happened to me literally, and metaphorically.

Remember my blog post appropriately named Losing My Marbles?  I had looked high and low for my reading glasses, only to discover they were right where I left them, on top of my head. 

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And this fruitless seeking has happened metaphorically, like searching for happiness in all the wrong places. When will I learn happiness isn't found outside myself? It's not in ice cream, or shopping, or cookies, or any self-indulgent behavior that can lead to regret. Happiness really is an inside job. 

I was reminded of these life lessons just a few moments ago. 

Today has been a busy, busy one; my choice. I am trying to restrict my time on social media, so I've tackled little jobs that sometimes end up being procrastinated until some faraway day. After doing laundry, dishes, and vacuuming, and removing all of the dog hair off the basement steps with a squeegee (try not to be jealous of my glamorous life), I rewarded myself with editing my photos from the weekend. 

Door County was a golden treasure. (Canon Rebel T7i)

Chuck and I celebrated our fourth year anniversary of meeting in person on October 18. We had a romantic getaway to Door County, Wisconsin last weekend. We laughed, and talked, and met new friends at the White Birch Inn. We ate good food and made good memories, taking lots of pictures despite the rain and snow. 

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The only thing missing from our awesome autumn in Door County seemed to be red maple leaves. There were so many yellow trees, and plenty of orange ones, and still some green ones; just the red ones were scarce. I'm not saying there aren't any there; I'm just saying we didn't see many. 

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As I opened up my Lightroom editing software on my computer, I realized I hadn't edited pictures from the day before we left. I've been getting to know my new mirrorless camera, and as it turned out, there were plenty of colorful maple leaves the last time I took my Lumix out for a spin. Right out my front door. 

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Sometimes we have the things for which we're searching all along. All of these pictures, except for the yellow leaves from Door County, were all in my neighborhood. I hadn't even realized why I expected to see so many in Wisconsin. We have an abundance of colorful maples in Illinois. 

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We just have to be aware enough to recognize the gifts we already have. Like my beautiful maple leaves, right here at home.

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Don't Tell Me What I Need

Do I agree with everything I read? Hardly, and here is a good example of something that on first reading seems to make some valid points, but on this particular day, I just shook my head. 

"No, we don't need more sleep. It's our souls that are tired, not our bodies. 

"We need nature. We need magic. We need adventure. We need freedom. We need truth. We need stillness. We don't need more sleep, we need to wake up and live." -Brooke Hampton

Photo Credit: Positive Outlooks

"We need to wake up and live," Brooke Hampton says. It's not that I disagree. Waking up and living sounds like a good idea, actually. I am not familiar with Ms. Hampton, but she is assuming a very big thing; that we've slept. I've been thinking of what I would say to her.

"Maybe my soul is tired, but my body is exhausted. Don't you be telling me what I need, Brooke."

"Insomnia is doing a number on me, and I am just so freaking tired. Have you ever had insomnia, Brooke? Probably not. It sucks.

"'Wake up, and live;' that's what you recommend? I wake up all night long, checking my clock, hoping it's any time after three. Insomniacs either can't fall asleep, or can't stay asleep. Sometimes we can't do either one, and we spend entire nights tossing and turning, wishing sleep would overtake us. Burning the candle at both ends makes us go through the day wishing we had the energy to do the things we want to do, but we have to settle for going through the motions of the things we have to do. 

"Insomnia plays with your head. When you feel like you are running on fumes, you don't make good decisions for taking care of yourself. You don't have the energy to make nutritious meals, and end up mindlessly eating whatever is available. You certainly don't have the energy for anything like an adventure. 

"Insomnia messes with your soul, too. A lack of sleep can make you depressed. It can dampen your spirit, until you hardly recognize yourself. 

"You know what I really need right now, Brooke? Here's my truth. I just need sleep. I'll have to take care of my soul after my body takes a nice, long nap." 

Wish me luck.

Late to the Watermelon Party

Watermelon; sweet, cold, juicy watermelon. Of all the Jolly Rancher flavors, watermelon was my favorite, and I've always loved the fragrance. But as for eating watermelon, I guess you could say I was late to the party. 

For as long as I can remember, watermelon was present at family picnics and summertime gatherings. It made my mouth water to smell it. Every year, I would take a slice, and give it a taste. I would wrinkle my nose, and refuse to eat the rest of it. I could not stand the crumbling, gritty texture in my mouth. 

Even as I got older, every summer until my fifties, I would sample watermelon, and every summer, I came to the same conclusion; the texture was a turn-off. Until...

One evening I was at a casual dinner at Julie's house. She had an amazing spread that included her Watermelon Salad. It was time for my annual tasting, and that night, I became a convert to the watermelon lovers' cult. Who knew that adding some crumbled cheese and fresh basil to watermelon, and calling it a salad, would be my gateway dish into loving that refreshing summertime fruit?

Now here we are just a few years later, and I can eat a whole watermelon by myself, if you give me a few days. I'm still new to picking out a good watermelon, so I will share the tips I got from a young mom in the produce department at Aldi's.

Look for the ugliest one. Seriously, she said the ones with a yellowish side have been sitting on the ground, ripening on the vine the longest. And she said if they have the brown veiny-looking scars, that was a good sign, too. Using her suggestions, I picked out the second ugliest melon in the bin (she got the ugliest), and it was a winner. 

Here it is October, and I am still hunting for good watermelons. Are they still out there? I sure hope so. I'm thinking this DOUBLE-DIPPING of the summer and fall seasons isn't going to last much longer. 

But wait! Soon, I'll be able to enjoy winter holidays intermingled with my fall. Isn't that the BEST! (And if you disagree, try not to be a hater. You can do you without hating on how I do me, right? That's what I thought.)

Happy Falloweengivingmas!

Insomnia and I Go Waaay Back

Insomnia has not been my friend, of late. Most of my life, I've been a light sleeper, and five or six hours of sleep a night has been the norm. These days, though, a lack of sleep is nibbling away at my vitality and sanity. 

Autumn is my favorite time of year, and I have barely had the energy to enjoy it. When I lamented to Chuck that I just wanted to sleep one whole day last weekend, but I didn't want to miss fall, he reminded me that "One day does not an autumn make."

Insomnia convinces me that I am not enough. That I cannot accomplish my goals. That I am not worthy of feeling well. That I don't deserve to dream my dreams. It zaps my energy, and dampens my spirit.

Insomnia sounds like terminal silence. A silence that is louder than the hum of a house with its electrical currents coursing through it. 

Insomnia looks like unsorted laundry, and unmade beds, and unswept floors, and unwashed dishes. It looks like the glow of a phone in the middle of the night. 

Insomnia smells stagnant and old, possessing the unsavory qualities of morning breath and stale milk. 

Insomnia tastes like the last bite of dessert; without flavor and completely unsatsifying. Insomnia tastes like desire; always seeking pleasure in food, and never finding satisfaction in eating.

Insomnia feels like loneliness and lethargy. It feels heavy, and full of disappointment. 

It's hard to "rise and shine" at two in the morning, but I love that time of day, and try to enjoy the quiet of the house. I savor my coffee, spend some time reading, and look forward to a nap later in the day. Some days I just have to caffeinate, and hope for the best.

Do You Miss Teaching?

Photo credit: Chuck Bennorth

"Do you miss teaching?" people ask, when they find out I'm retired.

Welll...

 

When I think of curriculum development, inservice days, faculty meetings, parent conferences, grading papers, administering state-mandated tests ad nauseum, recess duty, speed-eating my lunch so I could get to playground duty, and dealing with student drama, I can't say I miss working. But I didn't go into teaching for the paperwork and meetings. Those are not the reasons I got myself out of bed every day for over thirty years, and went to work.

Teaching gave me a chance to make a difference. I miss my people; our staff, my co-workers, and my students. My kids at school made my job easy to love.

Being with children all day energized me. I miss the quiet moments before school, talking to the early birds. I miss those a-ha moments, and watching self-confidence blossom. I miss our classroom morning meetings and show and tell. I miss reading out loud my favorite books like Junie B. Jones and Ruby Holler. I miss the innocence and laughter. Yeah, I really miss my kids. 

When my fifth graders and I would talk about what we wanted to be when we grew up, I teased them that when I grew up, I wanted to be retired. 

Four years ago, I retired in the middle of a school year to move to Illinois, and marry Chuck. It was hard to leave those little second graders, but I knew it was the right decision for me.

Now, while Chuck is at work, I divide my days between our dogs, helping my mother-in-law navigate life with dementia, and babysitting our two-year-old neighbor Elise. When my time is my own, I spend it relaxing as much as possible. I love to read, write, take pictures, and create images with the pictures I take. I take naps, listen to music, and putter around the house.

Do I miss teaching? Well, I don't miss the stress of going to work, but I do miss the people at school so very much. Teachers and kids are some of my favorite kinds of people.

Being a retired teacher is the best. I get to relax now, with some of the sweetest memories of my life as an elementary school teacher.